Diary of a Network Geek

I assess the power of a will by how much resistance, pain, torture it endures and knows how to turn to its advantage.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I love quoting Nietzsche.

He was such a brilliant philosopher and not nearly as brutal in life as you would expect from his quotable bon mots. Did you know that he was such a rigid creature of habit that when he forgot his lunch one day, his housekeeper was able to run ahead and catch him with it on his route from home to the university where he worked? She knew just where he'd be and when and what it would take to catch him. I find it fascinating to know that about someone that advocated the abolition of rules and convention for the "superior man", Das Ubermensch.

When people tell me how strong I must be to have survived cancer so well and easily, I try not to laugh out loud. Death is easy, but life is hard.
They look at me and ask how it was I could have just gone on and on the way I did. They wonder how it is I can shrug about the treatment now as I try to explain to them that it never entered my mind to do anything but take it and go on. I mean, what other choice was there, really? To be honest, I'm a little ashamed that I made as much fuss about the whole thing as I did. I must have debated about calling the nurse, the first time I was sick to my stomach, for a full five minutes before pulling the emergency call lever in the bathroom. I only did it then because I was afraid I'd fall and crack my head on the sink. But, in a way, that was all fairly easy.

You see, as long as I had something to focus on, something to resist, to fight, I was okay. I had an enemy, lymphoma. It's easy to fight against something like that, but now... Now that I'm having to sort out medical bills and clinic visits and hair growing back, well, now, it's hard. I'm supposed to have learned something from this experience. People expect that I have gained some wisdom, some insight into the human condition, as a result of my near brush with death. But, I don't have any. Not a one. I haven't learned a thing about life and death and everything in between that I didn't know already. I promise you.
Well, perhaps I have learned one thing: if I die before my creditors can collect, they're just screwed and I don't care.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
Friedrich Nietzsche

I'd actually forgotten!

Normally, on my birthday, I have queued up a long post about all the interesting things that happened in history and all the people I share this birthday with like Frank "Chairman of the Board" Sinatra, Bob Barker, Gustave Flaubert, author of Madame Bovary, Edvard Munch, and Wells Fargo founder, Henry Wells. Not to mention, Mike Pinder of the Moody Blues, Tim Hauser of Manhattan Transfer, Dickey Betts of the Allman Bros, jazz musician Grover Washington Jr, and former mayor of New York City, Ed Koch.

But, this year, I totally forgot that.
I don't know, I guess my birthday becomes less and less of a big deal as time goes on. Still, after the past year, you'd think I'd be more aware of surviving to reach 39. So, obviously, I have no plans, outside of breaking the no drinking while on blood thinners rule to have my traditional shot of Scotch. I still have some of that Cask Strength Macallan from last year, I think.

In any case, it sure has been a more interesting than normal year. Again. Hmm, now that I think about it, I haven't had a "normal" year since college, I think. But, I'm glad to have survived this particular year. It has changed the way I look at things. It's amazing to me what matters and what doesn't all of a sudden.
Oh, speaking of which, I have some life goals written up, and I've already achieved one! Yea! We'll see next year how many more I get done.

I bought t-shirts last night.

Threadless is having a sale on their wicked-cool t-shirts. Some of these are pretty high-concept designs, but, at a mere $10 per t-shirt, it's hard to beat.
But, the sale ends on 12/16, so you'd better hurry!

Among the ones I bought are...

Scanned and sushi-ed.

So, I survived my PET scan just fine today. Actually, I had a chest x-ray and some blood drawn, too, but those were minor compared to the PET scan. I prefer that, though, to the CAT scan. Something about all that barium really messes up my insides for a couple of days. In fact, when I told my oncologist that, she agreed to stick with the PET scans, unless they showed something to be worried about so that I didn't have to deal with the indigestion and, um, other attendant problems that came with the CAT.
In any case, I won't get the results of that for a week.
Afterward, my driver of the moment, J., and I went to a sushi joint. It was a place on Kirby called Azuma. It was pretty good and not too expensive, even if we did get the lunch specials, with a little extra. It had a nice, relaxing atmosphere and the sushi was really top-notch.
And, I've been meaning to mention that I had sushi with an old friend from back East a couple of weeks ago, too. He's a consultant doing work for highly-confidential clients. It's something he takes pretty seriously, which is a good thing, but, as a result, he couldn't tell me that he was in town until he was, well, in town. So it was a really nice surprise and I ran down to his hotel to pick him up for dinner. We went to a different sushi place, which is why I thought of it again. That time, it was Shimako's on Westheimer. Also a very good place for sushi. He paid, though, so I have no idea about the prices.
I've been pretty lucky with my friends over the years. Somehow, I manage to find the most loyal, giving people who weather some of the strangest, most uncomfortable times with me. I'm honestly not sure how that works, but, well, I'm just going to accept it and be grateful.

Speaking of being grateful, I had a lot to be grateful for this weekend.
First of all, I came into a little money unexpectedly.  Not enough to dig me out of debt completely, but enough to pay one, lingering, medical bill that I've been ignoring with enough left over to do some charity stuff and pay cash for Christmas.  It was a very, very pleasant surprise, though, I have to admit, I was a little skeptical at first.
In any case, that got me so pumped up that I managed to motivate myself to get something like eight boxes of my ex-wife's books out of the house.  Even better, I took them to the local Half-Price Books, so I actually got $60 for them.  Not bad, especially for books I really didn't want in the house any more.  After the first of the year, I'll have a couple more boxes sorted and ready to get rid of, so I'll head back.  Now, sadly, I admit, I spent that cash on books for myself.  Still, I figure, books that I like are a good trade for books I don't.

Now, the funny thing is, one large box of books was, um, rather, ah, "adult".  So, I warned the nice lady who was going to sort them and make me an offer.  I didn't want her to accidentally expose any kids to those books and scar them for life.  But, to ease us past the social awkwardness of that moment, I joked that they'd scarred enough lives already.  That got a little laugh and a bit of curiosity on her part.
When she called me back to tell me how much they'd give me, she assured me that I didn't have anything in there that they hadn't seen before.  Now, that might have been a bit of an exaggeration, I knew that there probably wasn't much in there that would shock her.  But, I laughed and shrugged and said, "Well, you know, ex-wife..."
She laughed and smiled and said, "Yeah, I know, ex-husband."
And she was kind of cute, in a butch way, and had some nice tattoos, so...  Well, let's just say I'm looking forward to bringing the next batch of books which are somewhat less, ah, exciting than this last batch.

But, I was still so charged up from what I managed in the morning, that I got my laundry done and folded and put away.  And, I managed to get the wireless card working in an old, spare laptop, so it's going to become a Christmas present for my red-neck nephew.  He'll be excited, because he can sit in the coffee shop in the little, rural town where he lives and use their free wifi.  Yes, a coffee shop with free wireless in a town of less than 4,000.  Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
And, then I got the rest of my Christmas shopping done.  My siblings and their families will be getting something from Bell's Farm, as usual.  I like sending Texas fruit to the poor folks up North for a couple of reasons.  First, because fruit is so expensive up there this time of year.  And, also, because I had an uncle in Florida who used to send fruit every year, too, and I liked the idea of carrying on the tradition.  Though, I have to admit, he sent fruit to more people than I do!

Anyway, it was a great weekend and I got tons and tons of stuff done.  I did so much that I already have plans for a similar weekend coming up!  Though, next weekend will be devoted to photography and web design and stuff for the Super Secret Creative Project of Doom.  And, possibly working on a map and some background material for a setting idea I have for fiction.  I hope making it more solid, more real, will help me come up with ideas for stories.  We'll see.  Oh, and I'll write another post later in the week about my planned charity with a portion of my unexpected bounty.
Until then, though, keep your holiday spirits bright!

It's starting to really amuse me now.

Okay, since I don't think the Queen of the Damned is capable of being quite that subtle, or that funny, it must be someone else putting the "none" on the survey.  Because, it really is starting to be really, really funny now, at least to me.

Oh, and I'm about to head down to M. D. Anderson to get the first of many follow-up scans.  So, in spite of feeling pretty good physically, I am a bit concerned.  I always seem to let myself get worked up about these things, no matter how good I feel about the results.  Anyway, it's a PET scan, which is easier than a CAT scan for me, but, either way, means that I haven't had breakfast.  However, to compensate, my "driver" and I plan on doing sushi for lunch.  Yea sushi!

I won't get the results until next week, but I'll probably do an update later anyway.

It's not quite the "birthday" of the mouse, but...

Today is the 39th anniversary of the first time a mouse made its commercial debut. That's right, the mouse, that marvel of modern technology that most of us use daily is just a little older than I am. Invented by Douglas C. Engelbart and the group of 17 researchers working with him in the Augmentation Research Center at Stanford Research Institute in Menlo Park, CA, the original mouse was little more than a square, wooden box, but the little device would change the world. Engelbart showed how the mouse could let a user jump from text on one part of the screen randomly to another section without having to scroll through the text inbetween. Doesn't sound too revolutionary to us today, does it? But, think about how you navigated to this page to read this little blurb, then try to imagine doing it without a mouse.

So, happy demo day, little guy. Thanks for giving me a job and us a way to waste time at work.

I don't generally decorate my laptop.

But, I have to admit, this one laptop decal from DeinDesign does capture my attention. Maybe it's the stark contrast of the colors, or the subject, but there's just something about it... And, that was my reaction to this sticker from Scrojo, too. I guess my own struggles with "monkey mind" when trying to meditate leads me to gravitate toward the monkey as a religious icon. It just appeals to me.

No, not friends...

I'm lucky. I have had a full-time job with benefits since graduating from college, less a year's worth of market fluctuation that left me unemployed for a bit. But, I knew a lot of people who couldn't find a full-time job and actually had to work several part-time gigs to make ends meet. At the time, I wondered how they dealt with health insurance, but, it turns out, most of them just did without.

Well, I've often wondered how someone on a reduced income or who did something artistic for most of their money managed to swing benefits. It turns out that there are actually a number of places that offer benefits to people working part-time. So, if you're a struggling consultant who has to work at a gig part-time to get by, why not try one of the places listed in the link above? (The same goes for you starving artists and hopeful authors.)

I used to want to be an Author.

Back when I thought being an Author was about writing and helping other write, that was what I wanted to do. But, it turns out, being an Author only has a passing acquaintance with writing. It's apparently become a political thing that's all about belonging to the right organizations and knowing the right people and taking the right positions on things that, frankly, don't seem to matter that much to me.

See, back in the day, I aspired to meeting the requirements for the SFWA. (That's the Science-Fiction and Fantasy Writer's Association.) And, then, of course, joining. Honestly? The requirements aren't that much for someone who's really giving it the serious attention it deserves. But, now, I'm starting to question the benefits of membership.
It used to be that being a member meant access to a grievance committee, a legal defense fund, an emergency medical fund, a regular membership journal, and a certain level of legitimacy. Now, well, it seems like membership is more of a hassle. In the past year, there's been several big, political brouhahas over copyright and its defense. The latest has been about the dissolution and recreation of a committee that, well, doesn't seem to be working very well. (You can read about that on several blogs, including some blogs of people who served on the committee to fix the broken committee.) So, it seems like a lot of people think it's about, well, politics.
Now, granted, copyright issues can be very, very important to a writer, but, it seems they're even more important to an Author. See, back when I thought the pinnacle of existence was being a member of SFWA, I cared more about writing than whether or not I've sufficiently protected my work from theoretical "epirates", or, in the same vein, made it sufficiently free that the Founding Fathers would be pleased. But, what seems to get lost in all this discussion of rights and freedom and copyright and assorted other politics is the whole purpose of writing in the first place.
Apparently, one of the only reasons people see to join the SFWA is for the Emergency Medical Fund. Well, as I'll post about tomorrow, I think I'd be better off just working a part-time job that has good medical benefits.

I started writing because I wanted to tell good stories to people who wanted to read them.
It doesn't seem like much, to me. It's a small ambition. I don't need to carry a political agenda or have an opinion about an organization to which I do not belong. I just want to write stories that people want to read. It doesn't seem very ambitious, really, does it?

I think Will Shetterly had it right when he wrote that he'd rather be a writer than an Author. I'll leave the politics to the professionals and just go try to write a good story instead.

I love well designed websites.

I love the look of WebUrbanist. And, their content isn't too bad, either. As I work on my Super Secret Creative Project, and the website that will support that, I think I may well try to recreate my own version of the design at WebUrbanist.

That's how much I like it.