Diary of a Network Geek

Well, the new hosting company finally got it all fixed.

It took a bit of convinceing but they seem to have finally fixed all the problems.  Yea!  And, no, I don't feel any shame at all reminding them that I'm a cancer patient who uses this blog to keep in touch with friends and family.  Whatever it takes.

Speaking of that, the doctors sent me in for an HIV test last week.  No, not because I'm a filthy tramp, but to rule out that's why this cancer suddenly showed up.  I'm sure you'll all be as pleased as my mother to know that the test came back clear.  As my older brother wrote me, "At least the negative HIV is one positive note."  And, so it is.  One step in the right direction.

Otherwise, there's not much else to report.  I contacted my friends from church at MD Anderson, so they're working things from their end.  My private nurse seems to have taken over getting after everyone who's anyone at church that might help me.  I'm not entirely sure what I did to make such an impression on her, but I'm not going to knock it.  Right now, I'll more than happily accept anyone who is willing to be my advocate in this arena.  Besides, from what I hear, once she makes up her mind, I don't think I'd have a choice anyway, so I might as well just say thank you and enjoy someone taking care of me for a change.

Well, now I need to go get ready for work.  There'll be more updates as the week goes on, now that the blog is working again.

Well, cancer seems to be on my mind this week.

Go figure, right?
Well, it's been a long week and I'm tired, but I have two fun links for you regarding cancer. The first is a link to the National Children's Cancer Society educational publication page, which includes a cancer coloring book called "Sammie's New Mask: A Coloring Book for Friends of Children with Cancer".
The second link is to The Adventures of Captain Chemo and the Chemo Command. I'll let you make your own judgements about both of these, but they struck my strange sense of humor. I know they're trying, but I think they can do better on the "fun" links for cancer.

Hmm, maybe I should put together a cancer coloring book myself as I go through all this. Might fill some time and keep me amused.
Anyway, it's the best I can do this week. Better links next week, I promise. Until then, enjoy your weekend. Hell, enjoy every day.

Well, if your money was on the evil, unborn twin bent on world domination, I'm afraid you lost. Same thing with the alien infestation. Sadly, the mystery mass being the result of an extended infection was also wrong. I have a lymphoma in my right lung.
Now, I know many of you were pulling for that twin, but I never expected anything less than some variety of cancer.

So, I've got my specialist moving things toward MD Anderson. He'll be getting the samples over to them for a more precise diagnosis. Later today, I'll be making arrangements to get some blood work done, to confirm that I don't have any other complications. Neither the doctors nor I expect any, but, still, better to check and know for sure.
Then, I'll be contacting MD Anderson myself to see where I am in the process of getting into their program. I'm sure it will take some time to get it all sorted out and the paperwork done and all that. Can't have a disease of any kind these days without filling out the correct paperwork. (I wonder if they'll let me have something else should I fill out a form incorrectly? Well, perhaps not...)

I'm sure it seems strange, but other than the cough, and being tired, I really feel fairly okay. Sometimes my chest hurts when I cough, but mostly not. So, at this point it's just a matter of figuring out what the next step is and doing it. As they keep telling me, one step at a time.
Emotionally, I feel fine tonight. Granted, that may change later, but right now, it's all just some other thing I have to deal with in my life. Considering some of the places I've been and some of the things I've done, well, I figure, I'm doing better than might be expected. And, certainly, I'm surrounded with friends who are going to help me no matter what I say! Besides, I promised my mother that I'd let them take care of me, so I'm going to do just that.

Now, before you all get too worked up about this, I'll tell you what I told people all day yesterday. I don't plan on dying. I'm only 38 and I still have a lot I want to do. This is a survivable thing and I plan to do just that. So pray away, but don't worry that I'm not going to be around to harass you all for quite some time to come. At the very least, I've been told I have a job at a wedding in August, so you can be damn sure I'm going to make it that far! (Who else is going to bring up the goat story in a toast if not me?)

Right, so, I survived my biopsy.

Anne, my friend from church, got me there with plenty of time to check-in and fill out massive paperwork.  They collected the rest of my deductible for the year, which turns out to be more than I thought.  So, now I feel like I should drive recklessly to get my money's worth out of the insurance company, but I assure you I won't.

I was prepped and waiting for hours, in part for blood work to get done and in part for the doctors to figure out just precisely how they wanted to get into my lung for that biopsy.  I think the long waiting was about the worst part.  But, I had my own, private nurse there with me, who prayed with me and generally made me feel safe, secure and as at ease as possible.  I have no doubt that there's a special place in Heaven for Anne, who was an absolute angel to be with me and help me through this.

About 11:00am, the came and got me for the first of several CT scans. The first the did with contrast, to help find "details" like major veins and arteries.  Apparently, it would be a "bad thing" to nick one of those while going into my lung, so I was quite happy that the radiologist took his time finding them all.  Then, they took another CT scan to line up where they were going to put the needle.  A couple shots of local anesthetic, lidocane I think, later the nice doctor had shoved a six to eight inch needle into my chest.  Then, another CT scan to make sure he'd hit his mark and he took a biopsy.  Then, I waited.  They ran the sample down to pathology to run some kind of test on it and decide if they wanted more samples.  After the longest fifteen minutes of my life watching that chest needle bounce around every time I coughed, twitched or moved at all, they took three more samples from that same needle.  Though, the radiologist did "stir" it around a bit in my chest to get a fresh sample each time.
I've done a lot of strange and freaky things in my time, but having a doctor wiggle a chest needle inside me rates right up there on the Freak-O-Matic scale.
But, with the third sample, he pulled the needle and gave me one last CT scan to make sure everything looked as good in the inside as it did on the outside.  And, finally, after more than twelve hours, they let me get a glass of water while I waited to have two chest x-rays done, again to confirm the wholeness of my insides.

So, I don't know for sure when I'll get results back, but it should be later this week.  Worst case will be in two weeks when I have an appointment scheduled with my pulmonary specialist.
I will add this, though, when they were taking samples the second time, I overheard them saying that one was for a culture.  Now it seems to be that they wouldn't need to grow a culture of cancer to figure out what it is, so I'm hoping that means they're leaning toward infection.  Anne tended to agree with me that, generally, one grows a culture of a mystery infection to figure out what it is and how to treat it, but that's generally not something one would do with cancer.  At least, that's what I'm hoping.
Of course, the results are still pending, so it could yet turn out to be the evil twin I've never had.  We'll see.
When I found out more, I'll let you all know.

But, now it's time for bed.

So, the pulmonary specialist wasn't sure what it was, either.

I have a mystery mass in my right lung.  Could be cancer.  Could be four other things with really long names that all seem to be the result of a long-term infection.  You know, like going three months without getting treatment for pneumonia.  Could be my unborn, evil, twin trying to claw his way out to world domination.  Could be an alien infestation waiting to take over the world.  Hell, at this point, it could be almost anything.

So, tomorrow, Monday, I go in for a biopsy.  And, yes, that's damn fast.
In fact, the one thing that concerns me about this whole process is how fast the doctors have moved.  Always rushing to do the next thing, which never seems like a good sign to me.  In any case, I'll be having an outpatient "proceedure" done tomorrow at 8:00am to get a biopsy of this little bastard.  Though, I suppose something that is blocking the bottom half of your lung isn't "little".  Well, whatever, they're going to poke me tomorrow.  I have a friend from church, who also happens to be an R.N., that's going to drive me to and from the proceedure, though that may be a bit over-kill.  They claim they're going to use a local to get the sample and not put me under, but I feel better having someone there.  Especially someone who knows the medical profession well.
It was nice, though, that I got several offers of help and could pick and choose.  I really, honestly, never realized that I had so many friends who were so willing to help me with this stuff.  All this time, I've been pissing and moaning about how alone I am, but I'm really not alone at all.  Now, of course, the challenge is to relax and let them take care of me.  At least, I know I'll be in good hands tomorrow.

It's really been an interesting week.  Wednesday, I sat in the doctor's office, waiting to find out what the next step in my treatment was and went through all five stages of death and dying, as laid out by Kubler-Ross.
"I'm too young to have cancer!  I can't die yet!"
"God, I'll do anything I have to do to stay alive, just show me what it is!"
"Damn it!  I should have come in sooner to deal with that damn cough!  They might have caught it sooner!"
"Oh, think of all the things I'll never get to do!  Oh, I'll never be married again or have kids or...  God, it's so sad that I never appreciated that when I had and now I'll never get the chance!"
And, finally...
"Well, I guess I'll just have to do what the doctors tell me and see how far I get.  It's out of my hands now.  I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing."

And, there it is.  It's out of my hands now.  All I can do is trust that everything is unfolding the way it was meant to unfold.
Though, I've been told that I have to last until August 11, since I'm apparently to be the best man in the most anticipated wedding of the year, J. and L.  At least, I think he was serious when he said that tonight.  Either way, I plan to live long enough for that, no matter what my evil, unborn, twin's plans are.

Oh, and I've already been informed that it is immoral to use "Well, I'm dying of cancer and I'd really like to have sex one last time before I die and you're just so beautiful..." as a pickup line, even if it does turn out to be true.  Especially, if it turns out to be true.
I'll let you all know more when I do.

You didn't think I was going to let an unidentified mass in my lung keep me from posting some Friday Fun Links, did you?

Of course, I queued this post up last night and I had to work two and a-half hours late to get a couple of circuits squared away for a cutover we're doing on my phone system, so that might have had an effect on what I picked this week.
The theme is computers and zany fun.
First, we have a link to Things Not To Do In A Server Room. Sadly, at one time or another, I've done most of these things.  Hey, when you're working by yourself to string cable for an entire company, things just happen!
And, having users that Abuse Their Computers Through Neglect doesn't help things, either.  I have to warn you, one of the pictures at that link is totally disgusting, so make sure not to look at it too close to lunch.
I tell you, it's enough to make you want to Smash Your Computer To Bits, and that's just what the people did who submitted the pictures on that last link.  Reminds me of a movie I know that just happens to be like my life, except I have no Jennifer Anniston to round things out.  Ah, well, maybe one day...
And, finally, just to end things on a happy note, here's a link to pictures of Office and Computer Pranks.  Now, I've never done anything quite like these, but there was that one time that I wrapped a guy's cubicle in police crime scene tape after he freaked over a spam that claimed the FBI were on to him.  Yeah, that probably was unreasonably cruel.  But, it was fun.

So, think happy thoughts as you click your Friday Fun Links.  I'll probably be talking to my pulmonary specialist as you read these, but don't let that keep you from having a great Friday!

Well, I went to the doctor for my results today.

According to the doctor, I have an "unidentified mass" in my right lung, along with fluid and some excess fluid around my heart. Obviously, the concern here is cancer. I used to smoke, though not much, and I have a family history of cancer. On the other hand, it could just be an adenopathy as a result of having such a bad infection for so long. That's sort of what I'm hoping for, but we've got a ways to go before figuring it out.
Friday morning at 9:45am, I have an appointment with a pulmonary specialist to see about getting a biopsy done. My doctor talked to MD Anderson, but going through them could take four to six weeks to get as far as a biopsy. That's why my doctor went ahead and referred me to the specialist. My timeline should be compressed from many weeks to one or two. Not sure about what this proceedure will entail, but I know they'll knock me out, so I'll most likely have to arrange for someone to take me to the proceedure and take me home again. Luckily, I have legions of friends who have already volunteered.

I really, truly had no idea how many people cared about me. I've gotten several calls this afternoon already and, in spite of my protestations, I have friends coming over with food tonight. My minister is going to call later, as are several friends I've been in touch with via e-mail. I hope it will put my mother at ease to know that so many people are ready to take care of her little boy, so far away from home.

I don't think I mentioned last night when I wrote that entry, but C. offered to help me with my dog and so on if I had to go into the hospital when we thought I might need to get the lung drained, though she allowed that I had plenty of friends that would be more than willing to help. I was talking to her on the phone, which is a good thing because I'm sure my jaw was hanging slack. I'm not quite sure what's up with her, but she seems caught between wanting to have a friendly relationship with me and... Well, and keeping some kind of distance. I'm not sure if it's because of the prohibition on her dating someone from work, or something else, but I definately feel the distance that she's trying to maintain.  But, don't judge her too harshly.  Her heart really is in the right place, even if she has some issues right now.  God knows, I've been through plenty of that kind of nonsense myself.

So, I guess I'll update you all again after I know more from the pulmonary specialist.  If you're the praying kind, now's a good time to add me to your list.

Well, I had my CT scan this morning.

I headed over to my doctor's office this morning, arriving very early.  In fact, a good thirty minutes before they opened.  So, I called work to make sure C. knew where I was at and gave her my cell number, in case there was an IT emergency.  Then, I had her transfer me over to the president's voice-mail, since I report to him, I thought he should know where I was all morning.  Seemed reasonable.  Not that it's a big deal.  I generally work more hours than all but two or three of the salaried people at my office, so they can afford to give me a little leeway about this pneumonia thing.
So, naturally, I'm on the phone with yet a third person when they open the office and a mess of people get in before me, so I sit and wait another thirty minutes just to get my blood drawn and my order for the CT scan.  Then, I hot-foot it over to the imaging center so I can wait a little more.  Something close to an hour and a half, but they got me in the same day, so it's not so bad.  Oh, and apparently, my insurance doesn't cover the CT scan so I had to cough up $450.  Thank God this is a month we get three paychecks!  Normally, I hate getting paid every two weeks, but this month it's going to work out very well for me.
It was an "open" CT scan, which means it was basically just a donut they passed me through.  But, I had to lay flat on my back.  I got down on my back and immediately started breathing heavy.  The genius tech looked at me and asked if I was having trouble breathing.  I thought, yeah, moron, that's what the funny look on my face means and why I'm making that strange whistling noise!  But, instead of saying that, I reminded him that I was here because I had pneumonia and probably a lung full of fluid.  So, he told me how the machine was going to ask me to hold my breath and that if I couldn't, to just let it out slowly and breathe back in slowly, too.  While I couldn't hold my breath all the way every time, I was able to get by with just a slow exhale to finish out the count for the nice machine overlord.

Now, the doctor didn't say it, but I'm sure he was checking for cancer, since I have a family history of that.  The tech seemed to think it was just a lung full of fluid from the pneumonia.  I would be surprised at this point if I ended up with cancer.  A bit early for my family, and I'm much more aware of it than anyone else in my family and have made dietary changes to suit my family medical history.  High-fiber and, usually, light on the red meat.  More fish and chicken and even straight vegetarian sometimes.  I know, I know, heresy in Texas, but there you have it.  (Though I have to admit I do have a weakness for bacon.  "Bacon makes it better!")
So, tomorrow morning at 11:30am, I go see the doctor to get the results.  And, no doubt, several prescriptions to drain the lung and fix whatever else ails me.  Hopefully, I won't have to go into the hospital to get my lung drained, but whatever the doctor tells me to do, I'll just do.  Now that I'm under a doctor's care, it would be foolish to do any less.

What was interesting, though, was the call I got about 1:00pm.  C. had been out to lunch when I finally came back, so she didn't know I was in the office.  She called on my cell phone to see how I was doing.  She lost her mother to cancer, so she knows why they tend to send folks for CT scans in situations like this.  It was a little surprising to me that she'd get worried.  Honestly, she'd started to get rather predictable, even going back to her old, less-than-kind  boyfriend when she was denied her work-related dating.  Took about as long as I thought it would, too.  Under two weeks.  Predictable.  But, the concern was a bit of a novelty.  She even apologized for not being as good a friend as she should have been when she saw me in person next.
The other surprise was the other girl who started at the same time C. did, O. coming by to check on me.  I don't think I've ever done more than exchange a few pleasantries with her, maybe flirt a little, but she seemed quite genuinely concerned for my health.
Honestly, I had no idea so many people worried about me!  It's sort of nice to know.  And, I'm sure my mother is relieved to know that people are looking out for me down here, so far away that she can't.

So, still, no real news yet.  I'm sure I'll have more tomorrow after seeing the sawbones tomorrow.

It was an interesting weekend.

So, Friday morning, I get to work within seconds of C. We park in different rows, but make it to the door about at the same time. I notice that her hands are full, so I wait a little longer than I normally would to hold the door for her.
"Wow, you're wearing jeans for a change. It's nice to see. You look good in jeans," she tells me. Now, I'm not vain or concieted, but when I worked at the Front Desk, the black girls all complimented me on my ass. I may not have a lot going for me, but I do know I have a better than average ass for a white boy. I'm pretty sure that's what she really meant.
"Um, I wear jeans every Friday, C. and have since you worked here."
"Oh, I guess I never noticed before..."
Well, no shit. Who notices the quiet, polite, professional guy who looks you in the eye not the nipple? Who notices the guy that puts you on the prayer list at church because you're obviously having trouble with the guy you're dating and just can't figure out that you should leave him, be alone and figure out who you really are instead of running from the tragic death of a high-school sweetheart? Apparently, not C. Go figure. Just call me Rodney Skinner. After work, I took my favorite, flirty strawberry-blonde out shopping and for Jack-in-the-Box 99¢ tacos. She might be a bitch, but she's a cheap date. Hey, I'm talking about Hilda, my dog! C. has artificially enhanced red hair, unless I miss my guess.

So, then Saturday night after church, W. the former mechanic who now works with me and, in fact, is responsible for me having my current job, and K., J.'s former fiance, and I go out to sushi at Koto's. W. and I have known her for quite awhile and I encouraged him to talk to her via e-mail, because I know she's been a bit lonely and feeling a little out of the social scene at church. After she and J. broke it off, she got engaged again and that didn't work out either, though for totally different reasons. She's a very nice woman who invited me into her home the first Thanksgiving I was alone, the week after the Queen of the Damned left. In any case, they cooked up a dinner out, pre-planned, so that she wouldn't feel suddenly trapped while everyone else got together and went out.
K. is on the Prayer Team with me at church. Actually, she invited me to join back when she and J. were still together. While we were waiting for everyone else to get together for our group prayer, she and I got pressed into service serving communion, which I had never done at this church before. I swear, when we got up to do it and found our place, J. and L. were staring and whispering about it. It may have been my imagination, but I swear I saw her look right at us then lean over to him and say... Well, something.
After church, we hung around a bit, while W. went and got a table at Koto's. Apparently he knew the place quite well. Also, he speaks very fluent Japanese, which I'd forgotten. I think he might have been showing off for K., but I'm not sure. Either way, it was great sushi and rock bottom prices and I cannot reccomend it enough. We had a nice dinner, even though I was coughing pretty badly. And, my eyes were bigger than my stomache, so I ended up bringing home a bit of sushi for Hilda. Yes, my amazingly spoiled dog eats sushi, thank you very much!

Sunday, I did nothing and loved it.
This morning, though, W. tells me that K. "likes" me. Now, as a former fiance of perhaps my best friend, she's automatically off-limits, but I have to admit, I am attracted to her. Still, he's the second guy who's seen us interact and said that. I'm starting to wonder if it's not true. But, I really need it to not be true, and I told him so. His response?
"Well, at least she likes you a lot more than she likes me."
Oh, God, help me!

Now, for the health update...
Got my chest x-ray this afternoon and got a call from the doctor about 6:00PM. Apparently, the x-ray showed no improvement, or not enough for the imaging center's liking, so tomorrow morning, after I go see the phlebotomist, so they can check on my anemia, I'll be off to get a CT scan. Apparently, it's pretty gruesome.
And, I'm taking this very seriously now, because last night, I listened to a guy share at a men's support group meeting I attend, about his inoperable cancer. The symptoms that he described going to see the doctor for? The exact same symptoms I ignored for months. Now, I don't think I have cancer, but I do have a history of it in my family, on both sides, so that scared the shit out of me. No more screwing around, I promise, folks. Uncle Jim is taking it all very, very seriously now. Whatever the doctor says I need to do, I do.

I'll give you more as I know more.

Actually, to be more specific, 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed To Do In The U.S. Army.

I cannot believe I've never posted this as a Friday Fun Link. This is a list of 213 things that a soldier was either specifically told he could not do, or that he heard another soldier told that he could not do. And, it's funny. Every last one of the 213 things is funny. In fact, they get more funny the more you consider them.
Some of my favorites include:
7. Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
179. On Army documents, my race is not “Other”.
203. “To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

Now, it's Friday, so why not go read the rest? And follow the links he's got there to support the troops. They need it now as much as they ever have.
Have a great Friday!