Diary of a Network Geek

"...is just lunch."

Sigmund Freud is famously quoted as having told a reporter that "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar", when questioned about his oral fixation. I'm not sure that anyone believed that, either.
So, my chief concern about C. at work has played out. The sharks have gotten a taste of blood in the water. She's been asked out to a limited invitation Christmas party at work. A party to which I am not invited, but which is tonight, so this is all very last minute. The rumor mill reported that bit of information to me by starting off with the introductory statement, "Man, everyone is trying to get into C.'s pants." That was followed with a brief description of the invite, which was, naturally, accepted.
As I was on my way out to lunch, it was quiet enough at her desk that I stopped and told her that I'd heard she was a "popular girl". Her eyes got wide and the most charming blush rose to her cheeks as she asked me what I'd heard. I told her the essence of it, but left out the somewhat off-color remarks. Interestingly enough, her blush deepened and she felt the need to explain to me.

"Remember, lunch is just lunch," she said.
"Yes, I know, but not everyone sees it that way," I replied.
"Well, you know my situation..."
"Yes. Yes, I do. I'm just saying." It's hard to describe the look she gave me there. It's not that she was asking if it was okay or if my feelings were hurt or anything quite like that, but it did seem important to her that I understand her intent. I'm still not quite sure what to make of it, honestly. I think I'm flattered, but I'm a little confused. "But, now you see why I was being so careful not to feed the rumor mill."

She didn't really respond to that, but I think a small sigh managed to leak out. Interestingly enough, later in the day C. was walking by my office and actually came back to silently mouth to me that she wasn't going after all.  Then, she was off again before I could find out why.  And, of course, work isn't the best place to talk about that anyway.  The problem is, it's a small company and word travels fast. Worse, it's a small company made up primarily of men, many of whom aren't even as evolved as I am, which ought to give you some idea of just how much testosterone poisoning there is. So, when an attractive, young woman shows up, well, let's just say that the behavior changes are quite noticeable.

The sad thing is C. is far more than just a pretty face. She's very sweet and very concerned about the people around her. She's also, I think, pretty perceptive. Certainly, she's a lot smarter than she gives herself credit for being. She's certainly a very sensitive person who's very aware of the feelings of people around her. She's a good mother, too, from what I hear. She's always very concerned about her children. In fact, I wonder how many of the sharks at work understand that getting involved with her means getting involved with her kids and ex-husband. At least, if any guy plans to stick around long enough to have a real relationship with her that's what it would include.

Look, don't misunderstand, she is a pretty girl and I'm sure if we "hooked up" the heavens would sing and angels would weep and all that, but... But, let's face it, I'm of an age when I really should be looking for something more than that. I could, theoretically, cruise bars or bookstores or whatever for a weekend's worth of physical diversion, but how empty and soul-crushing would that be? I just wish I could figure out how to get her talking about herself in a safe way, away from work. C. is absolutely fascinating to me. No matter how hard I try to ignore that, I feel drawn back to her like iron filings to a magnet. And, honestly, it's been a while since I've really felt that way.
All of which frightens me a bit.

You know, it's hard being a cynic who's also a closet romantic.
Now, I'm sure this will make LK less than happy when she reads it, but, then she took off at a dead run for Denver and only told me afterward and life goes on. Anyway, I'm really into this woman and I'd rather not mess it up before it even gets started. I rarely ask my blog readers for help in my personal life, but, these are extenuating circumstances.
So, ladies, any advice about what to do, or not do, so I don't blow this?

Uh-oh...

The new receptionist, C., has found my personal kryptonite: short, plaid skirts.
I'm the "phone guy" at our office, as well as the "computer guy". Basically, anything that has an LCD display, or larger, on it is my responsibility. C. has been after a headset for her phone since we changed to the new system. I got her a wireless headset, which arrived yesterday. The instructions said to let it charge over night, so we did and this morning, she called me to see if we could get it working. So, I found myself standing next to her, trying to ignore how nice her hair smelled, when I saw plaid in my peripheral vision.

I'm sure the skirt was meant to be "Christmasy", since it was done in bright, Christmas colors. And, I'm sure she had no idea how she was effecting the men in the office. (Hey, let's face it, I'm not the only guy in the world who has a thing for short, plaid skirts!) In any case, I noticed the skirt, shortly after I noticed the auburn highlights in her hair, and, immediately, my marriage training kicked in. I instantly focused on her eyes. I think in time to keep from getting caught, but those female types are inscruitable, so I'm not absolutely sure. From then on, there was a little voice in the back of my head that kept screaming "Look her in the eye! For Christ's sake, look her in the eye, man!" I think I covered any skirt/leg oogleing well enough with a string of small, situational jokes. At least, she was laughing at all the right lines, so, it seemed good.

Oh, and that whole "not just another pretty face" thing was reinforced when she recognized that the symbol on my golf shirt was not a "sideways eight", but, in fact, an infinity symbol. Great legs and a well-rounded cerebellum. Yep, it's hard to not be attracted to this one.
Hmm, I wonder if she likes Black Watch plaid.....

Thankfully, the chaos belongs to other people for a change.

So, my buddy, J., got his ring back yesterday morning. We have him on, more or less, suicide watch. I'm not sure how many nights he's going to be hanging at Hoffman's Home for Wayward Boys, and he may not spend the entire night, but I'm sure he'll be over more than once between now and Christmas.
Here's how it went down....

Saturday night, J. stayed home from church because he wasn't feeling well. And, in fact, we talked earlier in the afternoon about that and how the anitbiotics were draining him and making him feel even more depressed than normal. We also talked about getting fitted for tuxedos next weekend, in preparation for the wedding and as a show of good faith to L., J.'s fiance, that he was committed to the wedding. So, when he didn't show at church, I didn't think much of it, but I also noticed that L. wasn't at church either, which was a bit worrying, considering the tender state of affairs with the wedding and their relationship. Ironically, I ended up sitting with J.'s last ex-fiance, who's been through her own wedding announcement only to have it called off for reasons unknown to the general public. I have my own speculations on that, but nothing concrete. She was having a rough evening, too, but I managed to coax a smile out of her.

I may not have many talents when it comes to the opposite sex, but making them laugh seems to be chief amongst the ones I do seem to manage.

In any case, after church was over, I called over to see what J. was doing for dinner and he let me know that L. was over and they'd just had dinner. By then, I was outside in the parking lot and realized that I didn't really feel like going to dinner with anyone, so I zipped home and indulged in a little Mickey D's along the way. And, to be honest, at this point, I figured things were pretty well on an even keel with the two of them and the wedding and all. No worries, right?

Not quite.
I usually sleep late on Sunday, having been to church the night before. But yesterday, I got a call a little before 8:00am that woke me. I'm sure J. had been staring at the phone, waiting until it was a "decent hour" to call for some time before that. He tells me he's still depressed and afraid to get married. He tells me that L. has suggested that he look at some other unresolved issues that might be causing his depression and the implication is that he's still got cold feet about the wedding. He tells me that he thinks all the doubt is telling him not to get married yet and that he doesn't love, really love, L. He tells me that she's on her way over to "talk" and, probably, give the ring back.
He asked if I'd stay with him on the phone until she got there. Naturally, I just kept talking with him while I let the dog out, got a cup of coffee and pulled on a robe. When she arrived, J. told me he'd call after they were done.

That turn of phrase ended up being a little more prophetic than one would suppose.
They do, indeed, seem to be done. After a several hour "talk", wherein she actually sung his praises, the poor bastard, she returned the ring. Sadly, because she adored him so much, now, the possibility of them remaining friends is, well, not very good at all. Seeing him that way would be too painful for her. Just like J. seeing K. when she made the announcement about her engagement, even though that, too, has been called off.
The really heart-breaking thing for me, however, was when J. sobbed into the phone that he might have just made the biggest mistake of his life, that maybe he did actually love her after all. I'm fairly certain that all I could muster was "Aw, dude..." What can I say in the face of that sharp a personal tragedy? Not content to ride it out, he'd done the worst thing and made a decision. A decision he's not happy with having made. At least I had the presence of mind not to tell him that he really "screwed the pooch" on this one.
Besides, I've mellowed with age.

Now, I'm sure a part of him was thinking he could do better, but, really, I don't think he could have.  She isn't the thinest, tiny-waisted thing, but her curves looked just fine.  And, she was patient enough to have gone through this for more than two months, back and forth, which is more than anyone should have to endure.  She's also smart as a whip and was as caring and solicitous of his friends (ie. me) as a guy could ask for.  But, now, she's gone.  Poor guy.  I suppose only time will tell if this is a permanent thing or not, but, frankly, I don't think he can crawl long enough, or low enough, to get her back at this point.

It's going to be a long week for both of them.

I've got the spirit.

The spirit of Christmas, that is!
Hey, look for the first time in three years, I actually put up a  tree.  And I live alone, so there's no one to see it.  Well, no one but the girls at work who saw it on my cellphone and cooed.  Okay, so now you know the real reason I put up the tree, but still...

Well, in keeping with the speedily approaching holiday, I've got some toy and Christmas related links for you.
First, there's a virtual Advent Calendar.  Each day links to a Christmas memory and a link to something fun.  For instance, the second day had a "paint your own Christmas tree" web thing.  Kind of cool.
Next, I have a link to a BoingBoing article about an illustrator from Popular Science magazine who makes the most incredible Rube Goldberg Christmas cards you've ever seen.  Really, you have to look at these and wonder.
Now, when Christmas is over, you have all kinds of boxes laying around, right?  Well, don't throw them out!  Instead, use carboard rivets to make them into something cool to play with!
If you're looking for a great stocking stuffer for geeks, try the Christmas Stocking USB drive.  Yeah, it's kind of specialized, but, hey, it is a USB drive they can enjoy all year long.
But, for my money?  The coolest thing  I've seen all year is the Custom Action Figure.  Yes, this is not just a web toy.  You can design and actually purchase the GI Joe-sized action figure you design.  And, considering the customization factor, the prices are damned reasonable.

So, now you have a way to waste a little time with just 8 shopping days until Christmas.  How much work were you planning to do this week anyway?

I finished The Stupidest Angel by Christopher Moore this week.

I'd been trying to slog my way through A Practical Guide to Buddhist Meditation, but with my work schedule and the holidays and all, I just couldn't get into it. I mean, I'm sure it would have been good for me to start meditating again, but I haven't done that since college and there are reasons. Mainly, I have no time. I pray and use prayer beads and that's enough meditation-like behavior for me and my schedule. Besides, I was getting depressed with all my friends either being married or getting married or at least in a serious relationship, so I figured a little literary "pick-me-up" was in order.

In that regard, The Stupidest Angel; A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror was just the thing. Yes, you read that second title right. It wasn't just a Christmas story, it was also a zombie story. Only Christopher Moore could write something like that and pull it off. The story is set in Pine Cove, which is where a number of Moore's earlier books were set, and involves a collection of characters from several of his novels. It starts simply enough with some introductions and stage setting for those not familiar with Pine Cove or all of Moore's other works, then, with an accidental murder, the real story begins. Things get interesting when Raziel, one of the rather more important angels, shows up to work the annual Christmas Miracle that, apparently, has been a gift to mankind every year since the birth of the Christ child. The only problem is, Raziel isn't the smartest angel and he doesn't really quite understand our Earth. So, when he decides to grant the Christmas wish of a nice boy who witnessed the accidental murder of a man dressed like Santa Claus, as you might imagine, things go awry. The result is, indeed, a heart-warming tale of Christmas terror, which, incidentally, is a rather odd journey through the Christmas spirit, love, giving, forgiving and belief that only Christopher Moore could lead a reader through successfully. And, as always, Moore's wit, charm and turn of phrase brought a smile to my face, so, "mission accomplished".

If you've never read one of Moore's books, The Stupidest Angel is probably not the best place to start. I'd reccomend either Lamb or Practical Demonkeeping as a starting point, but, after that, it doesn't matter quite so much where you go. Though, I have to admit, reading them in more or less the order of publication keeps you up on all the "in" jokes and cross-references that might otherwise be missed.
In short, I love Christopher Moore's writing and The Stupidest Angel was no exception.

I'm 38 today.

Time marches on, with or without our consent, and so, much to my surprise, I find that I've survived another year. I think of my birthday as, well, just another day. It's not like I'm suddenly a year older over night, after all. If I seem older this year, it's due mainly to over-work and a head cold that decided to move South into my chest. Oh, I suppose my hair is a little grayer than it was last year and the eyes that meet mine in the mirror seem, perhaps, a little more world-weary, but, otherwise, I'm mostly the same as I've always been. I plan a low-key evening of bill-paying and an early bed-time, sleep having become the ultimate luxury in my life. I will, however, enjoy a glass of Cask Strength Macallan, as I did last year, before slipping off to the Land of Nod.

Historically, this has been an interesting day, the anniversary of my birth not withstanding. For instance, I share a birthday with such varied luminaries as Frank "Chairman of the Board" Sinatra, Bob Barker, Gustave Flaubert, author of Madame Bovary, Edvard Munch, and Wells Fargo founder, Henry Wells. Not to mention, Mike Pinder of the Moody Blues, Tim Hauser of Manhattan Transfer, Dickey Betts of the Allman Bros, jazz musician Grover Washington Jr, and former mayor of New York City, Ed Koch.
Also, it was on this day, in 1901, that Italian physicist and radio pioneer Guglielmo Marconi succeeded in sending the first radio transmission across the Atlantic Ocean. But, that's not all! My birthday is also when, in 1925, Arthur Heinman coined term "motel", and opened Motel Inn in San Luis Obispo, California. On this day, in 1964, shooting started for the "Star Trek" pilot, The Cage (which was later reused in Menagerie).
A year before I was born, in 1967, the US launched Pioneer 8 into solar orbit. And, on the actual day of my birth, in 1968, the US performed its first nuclear test at the Nevada Test Site. So, obviously, my birthday was, indeed, earth-shattering.

As I figured last year, it was, in fact, an interesting trip again. Try as I might to lead as boring a life as possible, the Universe sees fit to liven things up for me. Well, this year was a little quieter than last, at least in the legal arena, even if it was a little light in the relationship end of things. I still have no idea what the next year will bring, but, as per usual, I'm sure it will be something other than I expect! Remember what your Uncle Jim says, kids, after twenty-one, every year you survive is a victory, no matter how small it may seem at the time.
I've survived one more lap around the sun.
How many more before the race is done?

It's not quite the "birthday" of the mouse, but...

Today is the 38th anniversary of the first time a mouse made its commercial debut. That's right, the mouse, that marvel of modern technology that most of us use daily is just a little older than I am. Invented by Douglas C. Engelbart and the group of 17 researchers working with him in the Augmentation Research Center at Stanford Research Institute in Menlo Park, CA, the original mouse was little more than a square, wooden box, but the little device would change the world.  Engelbart showed how the mouse could let a user jump from text on one part of the screen randomly to another section without having to scroll through the text inbetween.  Doesn't sound too revolutionary to us today, does it?  But, think about how you navigated to this page to read this little blurb, then try to imagine doing it without a mouse.

So, happy demo day, little guy.  Thanks for giving me a job and us a way to waste time at work.

And, I thought things would slow down this week.

Ha! Well, my work schedule is almost as grueling this week as it has been for the past month. So many things to do at work and so little time. In any case, that means that there's no real theme to these links, but I found them all at least interesting.

First, since I can't seem to get enough done or get enough sleep, the idea that someone may have invented a pill that removes my need for sleep strikes me as, well, "interesting". Okay, to be honest, it's not quite that good yet, but, still they're getting there.
Second, since I love gimmicks in the workplace, the idea of monitoring a server via music hits me in the funny bone. Granted, this will only appeal to the geeks among my readers, but I like the idea of having a Linux-based monitor server running that lets me know what's going on without having to actually watch it. Too much to do to keep eyes glued to monitor for server performance!
Next, in honor of the quickly approaching gift-giving holidays, namely Christmas and Chanukah, I've got a link to an article about how LEGOs are made. Who knew so much went into those little bricks I loved to play with as a kid?
And, finally, for the lonely, big kid in all of us who got picked last for kickball, now you can buy fake friends for your MySpace page. It's actually a service called FakeYourSpace and, apparently, meant to make it seem like "sexy" members of the opposite sex find you irresistable on MySpace. It is an adult service, as evidenced by the pictures of the "friends" on the website, and... And, wow, I'm glad I'm not actually active on MySpace because this just seems, er, ah, well, pathetic. But, you know, I can think of a couple guys I've worked with who would do this sort of thing.

Well, anyway, that gives you some small idea where my head has been wandering while I wait for things to happen after hours at work. Crazy stuff, isn't it?
Have a happy Friday!

"...and Cupid has his camps." -Ovid

So, as per usual in my alleged love life, I face an uphill battle.
C.'s divorce is final, but she already had a boyfriend, as I mentioned in an earlier post. Well, maybe not so much any more, in part, I'm afraid, due to me. Allow me to explain...

C.'s divorce was final Monday, so I called her to see how she was doing. I remember what it was like going through my divorce and, even though I didn't have to actually deal with my ex-wife, it was quite draining. I was, emotionally speaking, a little bit like a wrung out dish rag that's been dropped in a heap. Oh, sure, I was elated at being free of her, but, still, it was a very trying and stressful process. So, maintaining the clever fiction that I'm a "nice guy", I called to check on her. Now, before you go reading too much into that, I had her number when I thought I'd be adopting her dog. Whoops! Getting ahead of myself!

In any case, we talk for a good thirty minutes or more. She starts by thanking me for calling then to ask if I mind if her former sister-in-law takes the dog. Turns out she suggested that they make them the offer months ago, but her ex never acted on it. At least, not until he found out that some strange man at his ex-wife's office (ie. me) was going to adopt the dog. When he found that out, suddenly, his sister or sister-in-law or whatever seemed like a better idea. C., however, hadn't made that connection, until I pointed it out to her.
So, we're talking away, and, as per usual these days, I have her laughing out loud on a regular basis, when she says, "Um, I better take this call."
"Oh?" I reply.
"Yeah, he's calling back. I clicked over to talk to you and never went back to him."
"Yikes, yeah, I guess you'd better take it. See you tomorrow at work!"

The next day, I stopped to apologize if I got her into trouble with her jealous, short-tempered boyfriend. Well, I didn't put it like that, but I was thinking it. Her response lead me to believe that it was almost over and he was on very, very thin ground. And, as well he should be. They're long-distance and either he has to make up his mind that she's trustworthy or let go and move on. Just like I did when I was first dating my ex-wife. Of course, she was a whole lot more likely to be cheating on me than C., but, that's a whole different story.
Well, I decided to more or less act like nothing had happened and keep up my normal flirtatious behavior with her. After all, I figured I was getting closer to being "in", as it were. On the way out about 5:20pm, I found C. still at her desk writing e-mail to her future ex-boyfriend. I know that because she told me that's what she was doing when I asked why she was working late. So, naturally, I apologized again for any trouble I caused and offered to make it up to her with, oh, say, dinner... For that, I was rewarded with a sly grin, a giggle, a blush and the sudden loss of eye contact.

Now, ladies, you tell me, is that a good thing? I sort of read that as the reaction of a shy person who was getting a bit more polite attention than she was used to getting. Do you think I'm reading it wrong?

Then, this morning, she seemed to be back together with him. Not quite sure what I was missing, but, if I were a woman with kids and a guy started bossing my kids around, but we weren't living together, that'd be a big strick against him. So would not being able to pay his own bills at the age of 36. Or the trust issues that he seems to have. Or making the statement that he "wouldn't ever kiss a woman's a** for any reason". 'Cause I have to tell you, having been married, there were plenty of times I did stupid stuff that required a whole lot of kissing up afterward. Granted, I may not have done quite enough, but it should be a two-way street. My father agreed with me, heartily, on a speaker phone in front of my mother. He didn't even hesitate.

So, as always, I've gone back to my bookshelf to find what Uncle Jim's Magical Library had on the subject. What I found were two books that survived my marriage, interestingly enough, called Love Tactics and More Love Tactics.
Now, before you scoff, these are the techniques I used to get my ex-wife. Hmm, yeah, okay, maybe that's not the best endorsement ever, but they don't talk about picking a target, only achieving your goal. And, for good or ill, they did help me do that. Incidentally, the techniques would work for either a man or a woman, as far as I know, even though it's meant mostly for men. You ladies may recognize a few of the "rules" though. You know, the kinds of things you have been doing to men since time began. "Be available, until they get used to you being available, then suddenly don't be for a bit." That kind of thing. Frigtheningly effective, really. So, we'll see how it goes.

Oh, incidentally? When I told my parents about the books? They laughed, but my father said, in essence, "go get her". I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all.

UPDATE:  Now, apparently, there's a website by the author of the Love Tactics books called, ironically enough, LoveTactics.com.  And, it's got an endorsement by Oprah, so you know it's got to be good!

So, I've been getting quotes on a lot of service providers lately.

Wow, this is why I don't put phone tech on my resume. I hate doing phone work! But, still, since most phone switches are now digital, at least, and mostly a specialized computer, it does make sense. But, along the way, I've had a couple of issues with providers. That means that I've been doing a lot of comparison shopping. If you get stuck doing this, here's two sites that will help:
AllInternetNow and BridgeOne Broadband Locators
I've actually used the latter of the two most recently and the response was phenomenal! Within fifteen minutes, I had a phone call from someone who confirmed my information and fired my information off to four providers to bid on the service. No more than fifteen minutes after that, I had one of those providers calling me. Oh, and did I mention that was a free service? At least, it was free to me, which is all that matters. Not bad.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that for those of you who get stuck in the same spot I often do. Hope it helps someone!