Diary of a Network Geek

I'm not much for making impossible to keep, blue-sky new year's resolutions.

I do set goals, though.
Okay, so, sometimes I set pretty unreasonable goals, too, but still, in my mind, goals are something that's achievable and that I can work toward.  New Year's Resolutions, on the other hand, are something that drunk people vow with all their alcohol soaked might that they will absolutely do in the new year.  Of course, those never last beyond January if the drunken reveler even remembers them the next morning.  One of my goals is to lose weight and get "fitter".  I have a specific weight and definition of fit, so it's a specific, measurable goal.  And, aside from a bit of backsliding during the holidays, I'm well on my way to that.

Part of achieving my goals has led me to read Men's Health Magazine and sign up for their online updates, too.  In one of those, they linked to an article about setting Fourteen Things To Make To Be A Better Man in the New Year.  Don't let that title give you the idea you're off the hook, either, ladies.  Those suggested goals all pretty well work for you, too!  But, seriously, take a look at them and then come back.  No, really.  Go ahead, I'll wait for you.

Back?
Great.  Now, here's the thing.  I've missed out on the first one because Warren Zevon is already dead.  I'm reading his biobraphy, I'll Sleep When I'm Dead; The Dirty Life and Times of Warren Zevon, by his ex-wife, Crystal Zevon.  It's the closest I'll come to seeing him live.  But, some of the rest of those, I can do.  So can you.
Number three on that list is something I've been meaning to do for a long time now.  See the thing is, I hardly ever take a real vacation.  I never go anywhere.  Not this year.  This year, hook or crook, I'm going to go to another city and have some kind of adventure.  And, I'm going to take my camera to record it.  All of it.
Number five hits me where I live.  That'd be on-line for those of you just catching up.  But, you know, once upon  a time, I wanted to be a writer and express myself, and the broad spectrum of emotions a human being can experience with words.  So, this year, I'm going to do my best to cut out using emoticons and those damn chatroom abbreviations, like "LOL".  It makes me feel cheap every time I resort to it, so, I'm going stop trying to be cool and just not do it.  And that goes double for the use, and over use of the word "dude" in my spoken communications. Hmph!
And, since I'm cleaning up my communications, I should finally get around to cleaning up my house.  I mean, really cleaning it.  Getting all the piles of books up onto shelves and getting the junk gone.  Maybe even getting rid of those lingering pieces of furnature from my former life, finally.  And, yes, I have an alterior motive with that.  My house has gotten way too "man-cave", so I feel the need to make it more friendly to the opposite sex.  Catch more flies with honey, right?  Well, you get the idea.
Along those lines, since the public perception here is that I'm too negative, I'm going to go out of my way to pay people compliments.  Not just people I like, or women I want to meet, either.  Everybody.  I expect that will be a real challenge some days, but at least one a day seems like a good goal.
Another one I like from that list is to leave ten minutes earlier for everything.  It feels like I've been barely on time for months now and I want to change that.  I used to be early for everything and it made me feel more confident.  So, starting in the morning, I plan to leave earlier for everything.

One goal I want to add which isn't on that list is to write more.  I have been writing more at my other site.  You remember me writing about that?  The Super Secret Creative Project of Doom?  Yeah, well, it's not what I want it to be yet, but I finally figured a bad start was better than no start at all.  I'm not alone in this goal, incidentally.  A wonderful gal and even better writer I know, via our blogs only, from New York, Amanda Berlin, has in mind to set herself a similar goal.
I'm not sure how to set this one, myself.  My father taught me to set measurable goals because it's easier to track your progress.  Last year, my creative goal was to complete the Flickr 365 Days project, which I did.  This year, my goal is writing, but I'm not sure what the best way to set that goal is.  Suggestions?  (Check out Amanda's post on the subject to get some ideas.)

And, finally, quite possibly my most important goal this year is to get more sleep!  So, with that I'll sign off.
What are your goals for the year?  Discuss in the comments, but in the morning.

So, way, way back a couple of weeks ago, I saw the surprisingly good Ninja Assassin.

Now, I recognize that not many of my regular readers are likely to be into martial arts films of any kind as much as I probably am, much less the somewhat specific sub-genre of ninja films.  But, somehow, I did manage to talk one of my friends into going to see this one with me.  And, you know what?  When it was all over, he thanked me for it!  Yeah, that's how good a film this little sleeper was!  I mean, really, this is the best ninja movie I've seen since Sho Kosugi did Enter The Ninja back in the early 80's, practically launching the ninja craze in America.  In fact, the Great Master himself was in this movie as the old master who teaches Raizo, the main heroic ninja assassin of the title, played by the Korean pop-star, Rain.

The plot is a ninja film classic; the hero suffers through a brutal and very thourough training as a child to become the ultimate silent assassin only to be betrayed by his clan, who hunt him even as he seeks to bring them to justice.  No, really, this is a pretty common theme in these kinds of movies.  Honest.
So, the hero, Raizo, has help in the form of an international police researcher and her partner, though, he ends up not being as much help as you'd think at first.  She, however, gets in over her head by getting a file, of sorts, from a former Soviet intelligence agent who died under somewhat mysterious circumstances, who had been researching the ninja.  Mika, the researcher, played by Naomie Harris, had also been researching the connection between the ninja and several high-profile, virtually impossible assassinations.  The only problem is, no one else believes her.  No one, that is, except the ninja themselves and they come to kill her.
That's where Raizo comes in.  He intervenes and saves her, then takes Mika on the run.  Not so much out of choice as neccessity.  They run from both the clan and Mika's organization, who both come after the pair.  And, really, that's pretty much the entire movie, right there.  It is, in the truest sense of the word, an action movie, but it's a bit more than that, too.  It's a kind of archetypal ninja action movie, with all the "required" elements, including honor, justice, a really good training sequence flash-back, a skilled master, a beautiful girl, and, of course, a love story.  That, along with the most amazing martial arts action you've ever seen in your life, make this a winner.

Now, you may think I'm exaggerating on this, but consider for a moment who made this film.  This bad boy was produced by the Wachowski's of The Matrix fame and the script rewrites were done by J. Michael Straczynski, the guy who wrote Babylon 5.   These folks are geniuses in their field and have done truly revolutionary things for science-fiction, movies and television.  Really.
I mean, you've got the guys who reinvented action and, essentially, set an entirely new standard for action movies.  Then, you combine them with the guy who changed the face of episodic television science-fiction.  Mash them together with a ninja theme and think about where this might go.  And, yes, it really goes there.  Honest.  It was a visually stunning film.  Not in the same way that Avatar was, but, again, as an action movie, it took filmed martial arts to a whole new place.  It was fantastic.
Also, while it was paying homage to the ninja films of the 80's, it included the guy who started it all, in a kind of ultimate homage; Sho Kosugi.  I'm pretty much convinced that any really great ninja film has got to include Kosugi or at least reference his work, so, you know, they score on that point.

So, yeah, this is kind of a special sub-genre of film, but if it's your thing, you have got to rent this one.  I'm sure it's not in the theater any more, but this should absolutely be in your Netflix queue.  If you love acttion, martial arts movies, or ninjas, you need to see this one.  Really.

And, there you have it.  Three movie reviews in three days.  A pretty good start to the new year, I think, even if I am reviewing movies from last year!

Avatar3D-IMAX

Originally uploaded by Network Geek

This was a fantastic movie!

No, really, Avatar was quite possibly the most important movie of the past several years.  Certainly, I think it was the most visually stunning and will launch us into an entirely new world of digital animation that will get better and cheaper as time goes on.  In fact, this movie was so fantastic, that when I saw it in a regular, non-3D, non-IMAX theater, I knew I would eventually see it in the full, 3D IMAX version.  So, instead of this just being the second of two slightly stale reviews, I'll be combining in the review of the 3D version, too.

Right, so, this has been one of the most anticipated science-fiction movies ever.  People have been talking about this for months, at least.  In fact, it's been around so long that when we first started hearing rumors about it, no one quite knew what it was really going to be about at all.  Just that it was going to be big, that James Cameron was behind it, and it had something to do with people taking over bodies via some science-fiction thing-a-ma-bob.
I purposely avoided reading about it as long and as much as I could.  Early on, people were tossing around terms like "revolutionary" and "ground-breaking" and that sort of thing always makes me nervous.  So often, that just sets up consumers like us for a movie that, frankly, can't possibly live up to expectations.
Well, this one did.

I saw it first in 2D and I was impressed.
For most of the movie, you forget that it's almost all computer generated graphics.  The backgrounds and sets that are digital just look real.  In the best CGI films, like this one, the effects are forgotten, mostly, and just, well, part of the background.  The movie, the story, is what you see, not the effects.  And, this is just what happens in Avatar.  As spectacular as the CGI is, at no point did I feel that the story took a backseat to the graphics.  The Navi, the indigenous aliens, are all computer graphics, but they're so well done that you never really think of them as anything but real.  Truly fantastic.
And, that's the story, really.  There's a planet that has a very valuable mineral on it and we're there mining that mineral.  The problem is, the Navi, those native aliens are sort of in the way.  In fact, there's a big tribe of them right on the richest deposit of that very valuable mineral.  Enter Jake Sully, played by Sam Worthington, who, due to a quirk in genetics, timing, circumstances, ends up "riding" a genetically engineered "avatar" which looks just like a local.  He replaces his twin brother, who was a scientist, on the mission and ends up getting into a bit of trouble early on which separates him from the rest of his team and lost in the very alien woods.  That's where he meets one of the local girls, who reluctantly takes him under her wing.  Turns out, she's the chief's daughter and her mother is the local tribal shaman.  Mommie dearest is the one who insists that Neytiri, the little local girl, played by Zoe Saldana, teach Sully their alien tribal ways.  And so it goes until the fateful day that the miners show up to destroy the tribe's home camp so they can get at the huge mineral deposit.  And really, that's the the plot, in a nutshell.
Now, I won't tell you who wins, but I asure you it's the good guys.  All you have to do is figure out which they are.

So, the thing is, it's not a revolutionary plot.  The characters, while fully fleshed out, aren't anything overly special.  The music is mostly good, though there are a couple of times that the songs aren't particularly great.  The acting is solid, which is sort of remarkable, considering that much of it's done through motion-capture CGI.
But, somehow, it all comes together.
I think that's the genius of James Cameron.  Somehow, he can make the magic work.  And, in this movie he really does make the magic happen.  He takes these disparate elements, none of which are particularly interesting on their own, and marries them to the best and most advanced CGI anyone has ever spent the money to make.  It's at that point that things get really interesting.  That, in a nutshell, is what makes this film something new and special.
People have compared it to Star Wars in its import.
I'm not sure it's quite that, but it certainly is a bit of a game-changer.

Now, this may not be quite obvious if you see this in 2D, but when you see Avatar in 3D you will see a miracle on screen.
This may seem like an exaggeration, but I assure you it is not.  The 3D is so good, so seamless, so real that you will flinch when things fly at you.  You will believe that you are seeing documentary footage of an alien planet with an alien landscape filled with alien flora and fauna.  You will forget to blink.  Seriously, I had to remind myself to blink.  That's really how good it is.  It really is the most remarkable thing I've seen on screen since, well, I think since Star Wars.
The level of detail is incredible.  The insects fly off the screen at you like something actually alive.  The glowing plants are so realistic that you feel like you could order them off the damn internet.  All the crazy stories about all the bullheaded determination that Cameron pours into his movies and with which he tortures his crew must be true because his end product is like being immersed in an entirely different world.  And, that, of course, is what you're paying to see.

And that, in the end, is my reccomendation to you.
GO SEE THIS MOVIE!
What's more, go see it in IMAX 3D.  It may cost you a bit extra, but it is worth every penny you pay to see this film as Cameron intended you to see it.  Also, waiting until you see it on home video will not be the same.  I promise you, it will be a good movie no matter what the format, but the way to see this film, the way that will make sure you don't feel like you're missing something big and important, is to get yourself to an IMAX theater and slap those goofy 3D glasses on your face.
Trust me.  You will love it.

So, I've seen a couple of movies in the past several weeks that I have been too busy to review.  Here's one of those.

I'm doing this in reverse order, by the way, and reviewing the most recent movie first.  On Christmas Day, I saw Sherlock Holmes with a friend, like we have for the past three years now.  In fact, when we started that shortly after I got out of cancer treatment, that was the start of my massive spree of hitting in the theaters.  In any case, I've seen a lot of movies in the past two years, but I try not to get jaded and all snooty about it like the professional critics do.  I tried to set aside any preconceived notions about what this film should be and just tried to be open to the experience.

It was, um, interesting.
I don't really think of Sherlock Holmes as an action hero, but, that's sure what Robert Downey Jr. and Guy Ritchie made him.  And, you know what?  It worked.  Yeah, it really did.  Now, I'm sure purists will get bent out of shape with Holmes boxing, or doing savate, or whatever it was supposed to be, but, really, it doesn't seem like such a stretch to me.

But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
The plot is typical Victorian era adventure stuff.  The opening scene starts with an attempted occult murder, a sacrifice, that is thwarted by Holmes, played by Downey, and his faithful companion, Dr. Watson, played by Jude Law.  The erstwhile occultist, and thwarted murderer, is Lord Blackwood, a nobleman and, quite obviously, the villain.  And, yeah, if his name didn't give it away, his theme music did.  A little heavy handed, but, still all in the spirit of a good adventure.
Then, we quickly fast forward through Blackwood's trial and right to the day before his execution.  Watson is set to attend the execution as both one of his accusers and as a physician, to certify his death.  However, it's Holmes that Blackwood calls for before his execution so that he may deliver a prediction about his return from the grave and other, more dire, predictions about deaths that Holmes won't be able to prevent.

Naturally, these things come to pass, in spite of Holmes and Watson's best efforts to stop them.  We also discover the person Holmes always referred to as "The Woman", in the stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Ms. Irene Adler.  In the movie, however, she's a much more active and adventuresome woman, at least in the athletic sense, and played by Rachel McAdams.  And, she's quite troublesome to the pair of friends.  At first, she seems to be working against the two men and, possibly, is in league with Blackwood.  But, it's not long before we discover that she's actually working for someone else entirely and is only partially at cross-purposes to Holmes and Watson.

There is also at least one subplot here; Watson's engagement.
He takes his fiance to meet Holmes for dinner, though he's obviously been avoiding it.  It seems he's not all that keen on losing his best, and oldest, friend to marriage.  The meeting is a disaster as Holmes only partially deduces her story and essentially accuses her of being a gold-digger out to marry a wealthy doctor.  In fact, her previous fiance died and she is quite in love with Watson, who already was aware of all the things which Holmes correctly detected.  And this will prove a key relationship as she is quite helpful to Watson several times during the ensuing adventure.

The prophecies that Blackwood made all start coming true, of course, much to Holmes and Watson's growing discomfort.  And, naturally, Holmes obsession with trying to prevent these events, as well as trying to track down Blackwood, leads the two men on a twisting journey through a slightly anachronistic Victorian, really almost Edwardian, London.  Along the way, they run afoul of Ms. Adler and her mysterious employer until she and Holmes eventually agree to work together, though, she never really stops working for the other man.
Blackwood's predictions, incidentally, all seem to be centered around some sort of occult plot to take over the world, naturally.  Blackwood is trying to gain control over a quasi-Masonic occult secret society with roots in England, but branches as far as America.  As is usual in the Sherlock Holmes stories, he uses cutting edge science to make what seems to be magical events occur under his control.  The superstitious members of the society assume that he's managed to achieve a higher level of occult competency and, therefore, out of fear, or greed, follow him.  But, of course, Sherlock Holmes and John Watson are there to fight for justice, etc., etc.

Now, I won't ruin the movie by revealing more of the plot and I certainly won't tell you how it ends, except to say that they do leave things open for a sequel.
Okay, let me make it clear here, I liked this movie, even though it does present a somewhat non-traditional Holmes.  I didn't mind the boxing or savate or whatever it was Holmes was doing.  It made for fantastic action sequences.  I didn't even mind that Downey couldn't seem to maintain a consistent English accent.  Honestly, the action was so good and the rest of the acting was so good that the minor slip of accent was barely noticeable.
I was somewhat less thrilled about the heavy-handed occult references and the entire secret society subplot.  Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am a Freemason, so I see the attempts to mimic the Fraternity in these occult societies and, frankly, I know just how wrong they are.  Also, frankly, the older I get the more hokey I find the average supernatural stories in the movies and such.  Maybe it's just that I'm getting more spiritual and therefore less superstitious, but it just seems less and less believable.
And, the one anachronism that was just too huge to ignore was a reference to radio waves.  At the time the story takes place, if "radio waves" had even been discovered, which I'm almost certain they had not been, they certainly wouldn't have been called radio waves.  If anything, they might have been called Hertzian waves.  But, Nikola Tesla, the first patent holder of a true, working radio device, had either not been born yet, or was less than ten years old, depending on precisely when the story in the movie was to have taken place.  But, honestly, that was a relatively small thing and didn't get in the way of my general enjoyment of the film at all.

I know this film will be eclipsed by Avatar, but I really enjoyed it and I whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone who likes action movies, or even Sherlock Holmes.  It was thoroughly enjoyable and well worth seeing.
I think I may even look forward to seeing a sequel!

Hey, look, it's a new year!

First of all, let me apologize to my faithful readers for not posting more this week.  I had intended to get a couple of movie reviews up here, since I've got a bit of a backlog, but that didn't quite happen.  There are a couple of reasons for that.  First, I've been busy helping people with their internet connections and doing some extra stuff for people at church.  Secondly, I was getting ready for last night's little party at my house.  Thirdly, I've been sick.  In fact, I probably should have called off the party last night to get some rest, but, well, that's just not how I roll.  Yo.

In any case, my laziness not withstanding, the new year is upon us!
Which means, it's time to start figuring out what resolution you're going to fail miserably at for the coming year.  Oh, c'mon, you don't really think anyone believes that those resolutions are anything but an extended exercise in wishful thinking, do you?  Well, I suppose some people make resolutions they intend to keep, and a few people even manage to actually do it, but, mostly, I think they're just good intentions.  So, given that, why not at least have some fun coming up with one?

That was my thought a couple years ago when I coded up my very own, home-made New Year's Resolution Generator. You can choose whether or not to start something or stop something and leave the rest up to drunken, sexy chance! (Well, that sounds better than leaving it up to my feeble programming skills and a pseudo-random number generator, doesn't it?)  Now, I will admit, this thing might be a little weighted toward kissing strangers and other mildly inappropriate behavior, but, again, that was mostly wishful thinking on my part.

Anyway, it's free, and fun, and a number of years ago, Comedy Central picked it as a funny link of the month, or week, or day, or something, so you know it has to be sort of fun.  I know I enjoyed making it, at least!

So, no matter how you choose to start it, with or without the crazy suggestions from the New Year's Resolution Generator, try to start the year with a little fun, a smile, and my best wishes.
Happy New Year, everyone!

No, not the kind that come wrapped.

You didn't really think I was going to go all commercial and mainstream and retail on you, did you?  C'mon, dear readers, you surely know me better than that!
No, this is the time of year that I babble about spirituality and gifts of the spirit and the magic of the season.

Okay, you know, I did get some cool gifts, too.
My older sister made me stuff, like she often does.  But, then, I think she forgot that when we saw each other earlier in the year at her son's graduation from Basic Training she gave me some art that she'd found somewhere, too.  Either way, it's always nice to be remembered and she always adds a personal touch.
The younger of my two older sisters and her husband sent me a book by one of my favorite authors, though I'm not entirely sure how they could have possibly known that.  Possibly, just a lucky guess, but it was dead on.  In fact, it was a book I'd almost gotten for myself, but had decided to wait on buying until it came out in paperback.
And, Mom and Dad got me art.  Well, they got me art by one of their favorite artists, which is nice, but what I really like was the portrait of themselves they sent to me.  It's really well done and they look fantastic in it.  Now, I just have to figure out where to put that where I can see it all the time.

But, really, those gifts were incidental to the real gifts I got this year.
Some of them may seem small.  In fact, I hope they do seem small to you, because that means you're far removed from the situations that make some of those small things important.  For instance, I didn't change jobs this year.  I don't have the perfect gig by any means, but it is a good job, that pays well, and gives me pretty decent flexibility, when I need it.  And it's close to home, so I have a short commute.  And I genuinely like the people I work with and for, so that's a pretty amazing gift.  Especially when you consider how many people are out of work right now.
And, I'm surrounded by friends.  Lots of friends.  Sure, I don't have that "one, special relationship", but, you know, I've all but given up on that anyway.  Sheesh, if my mockery of a marriage didn't burn me out on romantic relationships, I don't know what would.  Besides, as much as a part of me would like all that, frankly, I've just been too busy this year to be bothered to put in the effort.  No, really!  And, that's a gift in an of itself!
Oh, sure, I haven't always been busy with the things I would have liked, but, wow, it seems like every time I turn around  I have one friend or another who wants to go do something, whether it's see a movie or go socialize and network with fellow geeks.  There's always something shiny to distract me and keep me moving forward.  And, while I haven't done as much volunteer work this past year as I would have liked, not everything that's kept me busy has been self-serving.  There has been the odd mission of mercy to help a friend in need, so to speak.  And, no, you filthy minded gutter-thinkers, that is not a thinly veiled reference to a "booty call"!

And why that makes me think of all the ways I've seen my creativity unlocked this year, I'm not sure, but, well, there you are.
Between a bit more writing, here and elsewhere, and the photography, well, I have felt a certain amount of artistic growth, though, writing that seems a bit pretentious to me somehow.  I doubt I'll ever be a great artist of any kind, either writer or photographer, but, really, that doesn't matter.  What matters is that doing those things, and watching them, feeling them, improve brings me joy.  Getting the words right, or nailing the lighting on a candid shot at a party, or even just learning something new about either craft makes me light up inside.  Sometimes, I'm almost afraid to admit that out loud because I'm terrified that calling attention to it will somehow kill the magic that makes it happen.

And, perhaps, that's the greatest gift of all; realizing that seeing the joy in my life won't destroy it.  God, the God of my understanding, has given me so many gifts this year.  Some came in the form of ideas, some in the shape of learning opportunities, some even came in the arms of a new mother.  But, one by one, like a string of pearls, the small joys came to me, threaded through the year and my life.  Often, they came in the guise of friends, these gifts from God.  People, some of whom had been there for years, some of whom had just shown up, who came, each with their own light, to show me at least the next steps my Creator seemed to want me to take.
Maybe I'm getting even more sentimental in my middle-age, but I find myself thinking more about all that than I have been willing to since college.

I try to make myself care about the measuring sticks the world uses, but it seems to get harder and harder as the years go by.  Exponentionally harder since surviving cancer.  But, you know, I expect to die broke, possibly quite a ways into debt, actually.  Possibly, without ever knowing romantic intimacy again.  And, oddly enough to me, every year I get more and more okay with that.  Mostly, I have what I need, if not what I want.  I'll die surrounded by friends, if I don't outlive them all, and what pittance I've had pass through my hands will have hopefully done some good in the world.
I'm not sure I'm entirely at peace.  I think I may be a bit too young for that, but, I'm certainly more peaceful than I have been in many years.
And, that, I think, is the greatest gift of all.

Merry Christmas, faithful readers.
And, yes, God bless us, every one.

The Christmas Spirit arrived sort of late for me this year.

So, yeah, I haven't put up any decorations or anything.  Why?  Well, I just wasn't feeling it this year.  I mean, I was all alone and I'm pretty much officially middle-aged now and, damn it all, I don't even have any kids who are all mad at me because I'm not with their mother any more, or anything.  All of which translates to me feeling sorry for myself, right?  And, frankly, that just doesn't make for a great holiday spirit.  Also?  It makes me a miserable bastard to be around.  Yeah, I know it and I own it.  It is, as they say, what it is.

So, what changed?  Hell if I know.  Monday was the Winter Solstice.  For those of you who don't know, that means it was the shortest day of the year.  It had the fewest hours of daylight of any day of the year and was celebrated by the Pagans.  But, what they celebrated was the return of light to the world, because every day after the Winter Solstice was longer, filled with increasingly more light.
Maybe that's what it was.  The increase of light in my heart.
I'm not sure what it is, really, but it is a change, even though I didn't put up decorations.  I did go and do some last minute Christmas shopping yesterday, though.

I started out looking for a few simple things.
For one, I planned to hit Half-Price Books and get couple cheap, "token" gifts, so there's something to unwrap, and a gift certificate for two-and-a-half of my favorite readers.  And, I'm sure the little half will grow up into a full-fledged reader.  The gift certificate is the real gift, though, I'd hoped to get a list of books from each of them to facilitate a low-pressure "to-read" stack for my favorite newest parents.
The next was a combo stop, a "two for one".  Also at a bookstore, but this was a full-price shop to get a couple of Moleskines; a journal and a sketchbook, for two different people.  Also, since I was actually in a Barnes and Noble who had a music section, I thought I'd get the latest Dolly Parton CD and Snoop Dogg's latest, too.  And, yes, they were both for the same person.  Unfortunately, for some reason, Barnes and Noble stopped carrying Snoop Dogg, which meant another stop somewhere.

Okay, so right now, you maybe asking yourself why in God's name I'd be buying Dolly Parton and Snoop Dogg for the same person I'd be getting a journal for and, honestly, you'd be right to ask those questions.  She's a little unusual, but in a good way.  She doesn't fit a standard mold by any means, but she's been having a sort of rough go of it lately.  Part of that included getting ripped off a couple of weeks ago.  And the weasels stole pretty much everything electronic or music related and that means that her entire, unusually diverse, music collection got lifted, too.  So, I decided to play Santa Claus and, hopefully, repair a little bit of the damage the world did to her this year before it's too late.
Hell, it's complicated.

So, the Moleskine sketchbook needed something more, namely, some colored pencils.  See, my Santa Claus duties are limited only by my meager budget!  So, from the bookstores I was off to Hobby Lobby to hunt up a set of colored pencils.  This person has stiffled their art instincts.  That almost physically hurts me to think of someone else cutting themselves off from their more creative urges because life circustances make it easier to set that down that face that particular demon.  So, for that one, the super nice sketchbook and a set of pencils and those big, rectangular acrylic crayons all in a pretty nice tin.  I put that all together with a note beneath the wrapping paper telling her to "MAKE TIME for art".  I hope she takes the hint.

But, if you were paying attention, I had more things to get.
So, amidst the craziness that passes for last-minute Christmas shopping, I decided to brave the wilds of Target to get that Snoop Dogg CD.  But, it wasn't as bad as I would have thought.  Of course, it probably helped that I was on a mission and just had the one thing to get, but it was pretty much in, right to the music department for the last copy of "Malice In Wonderland", then right back out again.
Really, Target wasn't the worst of it.  That, surprisingly enough to me, was Barnes and Noble.  Of course, I cheated there by checking out at the Music counter and bypassing the huge line up front.  Besides, I'm hoping that surprise of getting these very contradictory things from me, because, you know, I'd listened to what she was saying, will make the small effort of the extra trip worthwhile.  I mean, that is the point right?

When I was a kid, I was told that it wasn't the gift so much but the giving and the idea.  Having something that was meaningful mattered more than what it really was.  But, this season in particular, that the whole commercialism aspect of this holiday really got to me.  I don't know, it just seemed so bad this year.  Maybe it's that I find myself struggling with my spirituality that I find the crass commercialism even more, uh, crass.  So, no one was more surprised than I to find msyelf suddenly motivated to spread a little joy.  Joy that extended all the way to a year's worth of Flickr Professional for yet another friend, incidentally.
I hope it lasts until Christmas Day, at least.

Well, while you wait to see just how jaded I really am, you can track Santa on NORAD and hope that he brings you something good.  Oh, and they added a new feature this year!  Now, you can get updates to your cellphone for just where Santa is!  How cool is that?

Do you remember THX1138?

It was George Lucas' first real film, before he did American Graffiti or Star Wars.  Well, in it, the characters talked to computer "therapists" who "diagnosed" them based on what they said, rather like the now infamous ElizaBot, but with prescriptions.  Well, now, there's TweetPsych which will analyze your Twitter stream and tell you based on your word choices and patterns, what you're fixated on.  Dwight Silverman, at the Chronicle, reported on this and found mixed results, so, you know, caveat emptor and remember, the free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Have fun!

When we're unhappy, it's because we've asked the wrong question.

Or, as the Lazy Man's Guide To Enlightenment says it,"What am I doing on a level of consciousness where this is real?"  I really love that book and reread it regularly, though it has been quite some time since the last reading.
This is a funny time of year for a lot of people.  As we get closer to the end of the year, we often find ourselves reevaluating our lives.  At least, I do.  I see all the ways in which I believe I am lacking.  I start to think I need a better job and more money.  I let myself get worked up about not being in a committed relationship and not having even any realistic prospects on the horizon.  I start to wonder what's wrong with me that I don't have these things and how will I ever be good enough to get all the things I need to be finally happy.

But, the thing is, those are all the wrong questions.
Instead of asking myself, "Why don't I have a better job?"  The question should be "How can I make my job better?"  Because, really, this year, everyone who has a job pretty much ought to be thankful for just having it.  And, even under the best of circumstances, somewhere, there's someone who thinks I have a dream job and would trade their eye teeth to do my job instead of theirs.
A couple of months ago, I was standing around listening to a group of six or eight graphic designers complain about the problems that go along with their work.  They whinged about clients who insisted on "ugly" design, who had no concept of how long it took to come up with something creative that did what the designers were asked to do.  They moaned about the "kids today" coming out of school who thought they could do things their way and not have to listen to what the client wanted.  And, as I stood there, quietly, listening to their complaints, it occurred to me that I would love to have a job where I essentially created art, even art to someone else's specifications, for a living.   I saw their challenges and complaints as insignificant to the pleasure I thought I'd have being creative, even within strict boundaries, all day and getting paid to do it.

I thought about that incident for a bit and something remarkable occurred to me; somewhere, someone felt the same way about my job.  There are days when my job is very difficult.  I'm often pulled in many contradictory directions at once and I cannot possibly meet everyone's demands on me on their time schedule.  I have to prioritize and sometimes make hard, unpopular decisions about what comes first.  I work hard.  Sometimes, my job includes lugging PCs from one end of the building to another or working on my hands and knees under someone's cubicle to get cables run or a PC set up.  My office doubles as a server room and a storage room for equipment.
In short, it's easy for me to get lost in the mire of the things I don't like about the job and lose sight of all the really great things about the job.  For instance, although I work hard, physically, I don't work anywhere near as hard as the guys on our shop floor work.  My life is rarely in danger, like the servicemen who hang from deep sea platforms installing our products.  And, really, everyone does understand that I'm just one guy and doing the best that I can to get everything they need done and done in a timely fashion.

So, it's not a question of what's wrong wtih my job, but what's right and what I can change.
So, too, it is with happiness in the rest of my life.  When I find myself getting or being unhappy, it's because I'm thinking of all the things I think I need or should have.  When I get into a real funk, it's because all I can see is what I think I lack.  The worst way I do this is to compare my life to someone else.  I never see the hard decisions that they made or the sacrifices they made to have the things I think I should have.  I never really see the price they paid to have the things I feel I lack.
But, then again, someone, somewhere, is jealous of something I have, material or spiritual, that I take for granted, and they don't know the price I paid to have that, either.

So, during this crazy, difficult holiday season, I need to remember to reframe the question.  Instead of asking "Why don't I have those things?", I need to ask "Why do I have the things I do?"

Right, well, I suppose I owe my regular and faithful readers an update.

First off, the doctors tell me that I'm not going to die from cancer before I pay my bill.  No, seriously, the tests all came back clear.  Now, there was some more to this one, if you recall, than just the cancer check.  They noticed some time ago that I have an irregularity of some kind on or around my adrenal gland.  So, there was an extra visit Monday to have a chat with an endocrinologist about what that all meant, if anything.

As far as we can tell, the blood work is all pretty normal and, since the alleged abnormality was pretty well unchanged for the past two years, the verdict is that it's not a problem at all.  But, since they like be thourough, and I still have pretty good insurance that keeps paying out, I've got one more test to go through.  It seems they want to test whether or not my adrenal gland is functioning correctly.  To do that, they want me to take a pill around midnight that will flood my system with artificial cortisone.  That should keep my adrenal gland from making the naturally occurring amount over night.  Then, the next morning, I have to get to a testing center between seven and eight so they can take my blood and test the levels.  Now, the nice doctor told me that this was mainly a double-check and almost a formality, but, when it comes to cancer, and my life, you just can't be too careful.

In fact, the only really bad news I got this time around is that I was wrong about how often I'm going to be scanned over the next three years or so.  See, I thought I was about to get on the annual scan plan, but apparently that was wishful thinking.  For at least the next three years, I'm going to have to get CT scans every six months.  I have to tell you, that really screws up my plans both financially and personally when it comes to spending my vacation time.  And, frankly, I was hoping to get a few less radioactive enemas!

Of course, all things considered, these are some pretty high-class, champagne problems.  I mean, I've got a job, so I can pay for all these tests, or at least the parts that insurance doesn't cover.  And, frankly, I have mostly everything I need in the way of neccessities, like clothing, shelter and the like.  I even have enough disposable income to run this site, and several others, for the fun of it.  Not to mention the other fun toys I have, like the laptop I'm typing this on and my camera and my iPhone and other totally extraneous things that many people I grew up with think of as a bare minimum standard of living.  But, then, I was always the poor kid in a rich neighborhood who always sort of wondered at the opulence that so many of my peers seemed to enjoy.
Most importantly, of course, I'm alive.

Yeah, let's stop here for a moment, in the middle of the most commercial season of the year and consider that for a second.  People say that they're "lucky to be alive" or that they're thankful "just to be alive and healthy", but I wonder how many really get what it means to almost not have that?
You see, years before I caught a mild case of near-fatal lymphoma, one of my favorite musicians died from cancer.  As he was slowly being eaten away by that hideous disease, he was frantically trying to record one last CD.  A legacy for his fans and his family.  Along the way, he did an interview with David Letterman who asked him what this process had taught him.  That artist, Warren Zevon, replied, "I know just how much to enjoy every sandwich".

So, here's what I hope you take away from my blog and my ranty little bouts with medical testing; enjoy every sandwich, because you never know which one will be your last.