-1 Thessalonians, 5:2
Last night, in the dark, small hours as I tried to fall asleep, it occured to me why it is that people have made glow-in-the-dark crosses and rosaries and saint night-lights. When things are darkest, that’s when I need to find God the most. I don’t usually post much about my personal life, and I’m not going to go into much detail now, but I’m going through a rough patch. I’m in emotional pain because of choices that I’ve made and continue to make. In fact, it’s become a daily choice, and challenge, to stay in the current situation and ride it out, no matter how painful it might be or what the outcome will be. I won’t get all angry and bitter here, but the situation is not entirely of my own making. Someone else is in the driver’s seat and that’s very, very frightening and frustrating for me.
So, what to do? When I’m all alone in the small hours of the night, what can I do? I can’t impose on friends any more than I already have. Though, to be honest, several of them have told me that it would be okay. I still can’t make myself do it. It seems to rude. So, what do I do? Well, I fall back on my oldest “crutch” and cry out to Heaven. And that’s where I found myself last night, alone and lost in the dark, searching for answers that will never come, silently crying out to God, or anyone who would listen, to save me. To save me from the pain and anger and frustration and deliver me to peace and the outcome I so badly desire. Of course, that’s my problem. I desire a particular resolution that most likely will not come. What I want in this regard no longer matters. It would be a miracle if that were to happen now. I love God, but I think I’ve already used my quota of miracles for this life. So, now I pray to let go and let God’s outcome happen. I pray for the strength to deal with whatever that result is.
If you’re the praying kind, and you feel up to it, I’d appreciate any prayers for acceptance you could throw my way.
(BTW, the full verse is ” For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord so cometh as a thief in the night.” -1 Thessalonians, 5:2)