Diary of a Network Geek

Ah, the traditonal Irish “folk” song…

As I went home on Monday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that horse outside the door
Where my old horse should be?

Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That’s a lovely sow
That me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a saddle on a sow
Sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Tuesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that coat behind the door
Where my old coat should be

Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That’s a woollen blanket
That me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled
A hundred miles or more
But buttons in a blanket
Sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Wednesday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a pipe up on the chair
Where my old pipe should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that pipe up on the chair
Where my old pipe should be

Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That’s a lovely tin whistle
That me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled
A hundred miles or more
But tobacco in a tin whistle
Sure I never saw before

And as I went home on Thursday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw two boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns them boots beneath the bed
Where my old boots should be

Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool
Still you can not see
They’re two lovely Geranium pots
Me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled
A hundred miles or more
But laces in Geranium pots
I never saw before

And as I went home on Friday night
As drunk as drunk could be
I saw a head upon the bed
Where my old head should be
Well, I called me wife and I said to her:
Will you kindly tell to me
Who owns that head upon the bed
Where my old head should be

Ah, you’re drunk, you’re drunk you silly old fool
Still you can not see
That’s a baby boy
That me mother sent to me
Well, it’s many a day I’ve travelled
A hundred miles or more
But a baby boy with his whiskers on
Sure I never saw before

Notice that there are only five verses? That’s because the last two are somewhat, er, “adult” in nature, metaphorically speaking, and generally aren’t sung in polite company. It’s funny, but, after having gone through a divorce and done some serious drinking, in days gone by, I understand this song all too well. Makes me wonder how many “flower pots” have been under my bed that I didn’t know about… Ah, probably none that I didn’t know about, but it’s also best not to dwell on it. Hmm, suddenly, that drink sounds like a good idea!
Anyway, remember these tunes seven days from now, when it’s New Year’s Eve and y’all are drinking like fish.

(You can read the rest of the lyrics for yourself here.)

Hey, are you going into the office today?
Well, you can’t possibly plan to do anything that even comes close to looking like work, so why not check out Christmas Combat and the Christmas Elf Game. And, another game from the Elf Movie last year. Does it matter if they’re any good? NO! It’s just a way to waste time before you cut out early for Christmas.
Oh, and while you’re at it, check out the Hacked Animatronic Santa. It’s a riot!
Have fun and be safe!
Merry Christmas everyone!

A little self-medication goes a long way.
My regular readers will be pleased to know that the Scotch Cure worked wonders the other night and I feel right as rain again.
Which is good, because I found out yesterday that reading scripture Christmas Eve is a little more invovled than I first thought. Normally, whoever reads the scripture just stands up in the middle of the congregation with a microphone and reads it. Well, for Christmas Eve, they want us up on the dias with the minister and what not. Yikes! I haven’t done that since I was a kid. In spite of the impressions I’ve given some readers here by allegedly “baring” my “soul”, I’m a fairly shy person. Oh, I over-compensate a lot, but, I think most people can see that I’m a little uncomfortable being out-going. It’s one of the reasons I’m not in sales. I can turn it up and be on, but it’s so draining on me some days that I just couldn’t see making a career out of it. More power to those of you who can.
Anyway, I’m going to be up there in front of God and everybody, if you’ll pardon the expression. Normally, we’re really casual at Mercy Street, but, now, I think I need to dress up a bit. Black jeans at least. Maybe even a dark sports coat. Possibly a tie. Whoa! Did I just think that? A tie? Yeah, maybe not.
Yes, I both love and hate performing, even at this level, and it’s something I haven’t done in years.

Oh, and I called my favorite Thai restraunt, Paddy Thai, and I confirmed that they are closing. The last day they’re open will be December 30th and, if I understood correctly, they’re donating the proceeds and left over food that day to a women’s shelter. See? These are the kind of people they are and why I’ll miss them.

No, not another silly game.
I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately. Okay, probably too many and in too much detail, but, still, I’ve seen a pattern emerge. Folks are sure depressed this time of year. Mostly, I’m not, though. Sure, I’ve got mounds of debt, no hope for promotion or salary increase in my current job, I’m single and a little lonely, I miss my step-daughter who won’t talk to me because of lies told to her by her mother, I just had a roommate move in after swearing never to do that again after college, I’d like to lose a couple pounds and I can’t afford to go see my family at Christmas. But, it’s still okay. My life is in a state of change, as is everyone’s. Right now, the universe is roughing off a part of my life that, well, isn’t working well. Not sure what part that is, yet, but that’s what’s been going on for the past year.
So, I’m happy. Why? Well, let’s count the blessings, eh? I have a job that lets me pay my bills. I have my house and my dog. My dog still loves me. I have a good roommate and the extra rent doesn’t hurt. I have no major maladies, physical, mental or emotional. I have family who, despite the stupid things I’ve done and said over the years, still loves me very much. And, frankly, as crazy as it is this year and as dark as things seem sometimes, my life is still better than it was last year at this time.
Hey, there are homeless people out there who would love to have a warm place to sleep. There are guys in jail who would love to have a family to come home to when they get out. There are lots of people who can’t pay their bills at all. So, what do I have to kick about?

Right. So, how do I maintain that? Find someone to help. Simple, isn’t it? Find someone who’s worse off than you, and, yes, there’s always someone, and then help them. Doesn’t have to be big. Doesn’t even have to involve money. Just a little time spent listening can help. Or a hug to someone who needs it. Maybe a few words of encouragement that gets someone over that unbearable hump. We can all make a difference, one little smile at a time.
So, your Christmas Season Advice from your Uncle Jim? You only pass this way once, but you can leave a memory that lasts a lifetime. What kind of memory do you want to leave people? I suggest a smiling face and a kind word. Folks seem to remember that longer than the other.

If anyone needs me for anything, just leave a comment. If you want to keep it private, start the comment PRIVATE! and I’ll make sure it doesn’t post to the blog.

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"There is no pit so deep that Jesus is not deeper still."
   --Corrie Ten Boom

Uh, then, can we have them?
Remember that hand-crank laptop I mentioned some time back? Well, the chairman of Intel, Craig Barrett, seems to think that the poor don’t really the clockwork laptops. Uh, okay, then can the moderately poor get some? How about the barely middle-class? I know a lot of those kind that would dig them, especially if they’re going to run Linux.
Gee, you don’t suppose he’s trying to kill this because they’re not going to use Intel chips, do you? Naw! Of course not! What was I thinking?

So, who’s worthy of your coveted link section on your blog?
Today, instead of working like a fevered dog, I read blogs. Lots of them. In fact, I left comments on quite a few, too. Some of these blogs, I’ve been reading for months, and some, I just started reading recently. Some of these fine folks have links to my website, but not everyone and there is no direct correllation between length of time I’ve been reading and commenting on their blogs and whether or not I have a link.
That made me think about who I link to, and why. The answers are not good. There’s little ryhme and less reason to why I link to folks on that sidebar menu. Sometimes, it’s because they have useful professional information. Sometimes, it’s because they’re funny. Or, because their writing really touched me in some way or another. Sadly, sometimes, it’s little more than a very limited popularity contest. If I like you, you get a link. Sometimes, I just like people, even though I may not agree with them or be a part of their world at all, but, still, I like them, so…
Yeah, I know, it’s so very, very Junior High of me, but, well, so be it.
So, why do you all link to other people’s blogs? And, more importantly, why do you not link to others?

It’s going to be a long week.
The day’s not even half over and I just want to curl up in a fetal ball under a comforter with the dog and sleep for the next two weeks or so. Maybe I’m getting sick. Or am sick. (I mean catching a cold, you wisenheimers!) But, I can’t get sick. Christmas is coming and I still have to get to my favorite Thai place before it closes and I’m reading the scripture Christmas Eve and…

Oh, yeah, in a moment of weakness, I got suckered into reading scripture. I’ve been practicing my radio voice for the past two days as a result. And, yes, I’ll probably record the scripture that I’m going to read and have it on my website by Christmas Eve.

Now, it’s time for lunch with a chaser of vitamins, aspirin and echinacea. To bed early tonight….

How “civilized” are we really?
The other day, I was thinking about the phrase “like attracts like”. I’d been talking with a friend about relationships and my seemingly fruitless search for a datable woman. Oh, I know, there are plenty out there, but I never seem to run into any, or they have “issues”, like they have a husband or they have thousands of miles between us. In any case, we were talking about a woman I know who thought she’d found the One, only to discover that he wasn’t quite what she thought. This dear thing, who’s recently been through a divorce and has been dating about six months, isn’t really over her marriage ending, I don’t think. My friend knows the story and, when I told him about her latest difficulty, said, “healthy attracts healthy”. (Which, incidentally, might explain why he and I are both single! But, that’s another story.)
Well, I thought about that phrase. It sounded so familiar that I just couldn’t let it go. Turns out, that’s the Law of Attraction, as laid out by most coffee-house mystics who read their tarot decks. “Like attracts like.” Of course, I quickly made the jump to something my ex-wife posted on her blog right before she left me, “What am I? Flypaper for freaks?” Well, setting judgement aside, considering that she married me, it still made me wonder. How often does that kind of magical thinking, often expressed in “folk sayings”, direct our actions?
Consider, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”. A warning against doing something comes naturally to us. Another “law”, the Doctrine of Signatures, says “the attributes without mirror the attributes within”. At some level, we think that what we see on the surface is the reality of a thing. This is just a warning that we might be misinterpreting what we see. That there is more to the universe than what our five senses percieve.
Then, there’s my old favorite, “guilt by association”, or in a more folksy way, “If you lay down with dogs, you wake up with fleas”. That, simply, is the Law of Contagion, or, “contact results in contagion”. That which we touch or become overly familiar with becomes a part of us, and, conversely, we become a part of it. In magical thought, this is how so-called voodoo dolls work. The doll represents the whole, but we think this way all the time when it comes to people. How many times have you decided not to get involved with someone because of the company he or she keeps? I can’t count the number of times I got this message in one form or another when I was growing up. The admonition to keep to one’s own tribe.

So, why do we think this way? Can we overcome this kind of thinking? Should we? Does it serve its purpose and make our society what it is?
I don’t know, folks. I don’t have any answers, just questions. And, I’m always looking for better questions.