“Every lover is a warrior, “
“…and Cupid has his camps.” -Ovid
So, as per usual in my alleged love life, I face an uphill battle.
C.’s divorce is final, but she already had a boyfriend, as I mentioned in an earlier post. Well, maybe not so much any more, in part, I’m afraid, due to me. Allow me to explain…
C.’s divorce was final Monday, so I called her to see how she was doing. I remember what it was like going through my divorce and, even though I didn’t have to actually deal with my ex-wife, it was quite draining. I was, emotionally speaking, a little bit like a wrung out dish rag that’s been dropped in a heap. Oh, sure, I was elated at being free of her, but, still, it was a very trying and stressful process. So, maintaining the clever fiction that I’m a “nice guy”, I called to check on her. Now, before you go reading too much into that, I had her number when I thought I’d be adopting her dog. Whoops! Getting ahead of myself!
In any case, we talk for a good thirty minutes or more. She starts by thanking me for calling then to ask if I mind if her former sister-in-law takes the dog. Turns out she suggested that they make them the offer months ago, but her ex never acted on it. At least, not until he found out that some strange man at his ex-wife’s office (ie. me) was going to adopt the dog. When he found that out, suddenly, his sister or sister-in-law or whatever seemed like a better idea. C., however, hadn’t made that connection, until I pointed it out to her.
So, we’re talking away, and, as per usual these days, I have her laughing out loud on a regular basis, when she says, “Um, I better take this call.”
“Oh?” I reply.
“Yeah, he’s calling back. I clicked over to talk to you and never went back to him.”
“Yikes, yeah, I guess you’d better take it. See you tomorrow at work!”
The next day, I stopped to apologize if I got her into trouble with her jealous, short-tempered boyfriend. Well, I didn’t put it like that, but I was thinking it. Her response lead me to believe that it was almost over and he was on very, very thin ground. And, as well he should be. They’re long-distance and either he has to make up his mind that she’s trustworthy or let go and move on. Just like I did when I was first dating my ex-wife. Of course, she was a whole lot more likely to be cheating on me than C., but, that’s a whole different story.
Well, I decided to more or less act like nothing had happened and keep up my normal flirtatious behavior with her. After all, I figured I was getting closer to being “in”, as it were. On the way out about 5:20pm, I found C. still at her desk writing e-mail to her future ex-boyfriend. I know that because she told me that’s what she was doing when I asked why she was working late. So, naturally, I apologized again for any trouble I caused and offered to make it up to her with, oh, say, dinner… For that, I was rewarded with a sly grin, a giggle, a blush and the sudden loss of eye contact.
Now, ladies, you tell me, is that a good thing? I sort of read that as the reaction of a shy person who was getting a bit more polite attention than she was used to getting. Do you think I’m reading it wrong?
Then, this morning, she seemed to be back together with him. Not quite sure what I was missing, but, if I were a woman with kids and a guy started bossing my kids around, but we weren’t living together, that’d be a big strick against him. So would not being able to pay his own bills at the age of 36. Or the trust issues that he seems to have. Or making the statement that he “wouldn’t ever kiss a woman’s a** for any reason”. ‘Cause I have to tell you, having been married, there were plenty of times I did stupid stuff that required a whole lot of kissing up afterward. Granted, I may not have done quite enough, but it should be a two-way street. My father agreed with me, heartily, on a speaker phone in front of my mother. He didn’t even hesitate.
So, as always, I’ve gone back to my bookshelf to find what Uncle Jim’s Magical Library had on the subject. What I found were two books that survived my marriage, interestingly enough, called Love Tactics and More Love Tactics.
Now, before you scoff, these are the techniques I used to get my ex-wife. Hmm, yeah, okay, maybe that’s not the best endorsement ever, but they don’t talk about picking a target, only achieving your goal. And, for good or ill, they did help me do that. Incidentally, the techniques would work for either a man or a woman, as far as I know, even though it’s meant mostly for men. You ladies may recognize a few of the “rules” though. You know, the kinds of things you have been doing to men since time began. “Be available, until they get used to you being available, then suddenly don’t be for a bit.” That kind of thing. Frigtheningly effective, really. So, we’ll see how it goes.
Oh, incidentally? When I told my parents about the books? They laughed, but my father said, in essence, “go get her”. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
UPDATE: Now, apparently, there’s a website by the author of the Love Tactics books called, ironically enough, LoveTactics.com. And, it’s got an endorsement by Oprah, so you know it’s got to be good!
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Swing hard, in case they throw the ball where you're swinging."
--Duke Snider
