I dreamt of Nerf machine guns last night.
I had some truly strange and disturbing dreams this weekend. Last night, I was dreaming of the Nerf machine gun that I wrote about here. I think that was in part due to all the time I’ve spent recently looking at the DragonCon Flickr Pool. It’s filled with pictures of really cool costumes. You may have to dig in a little deep to find them, but there are tones of pictures of storm troopers and HALO soldiers. Very, very cool. But, it’s really gotten my imagination going about costumes and creating them and making Nerf guns into something for costumes. So, see, it’s actually kind of logical.
What’s harder to explain is the dream I had about my ex-wife.
I dreamt that my ex-wife had screwed up her fourth, and current, marriage and was moving back to Houston and, for some extremely strange reason, had called me on the phone. I don’t know why, or what we had been talking about, but I was making sympathetic noises, giving her a full share of pity for how she’d screwed up her life more and worse. I don’t recall offering to help, or even wanting her anywhere near me, but, somehow, I still felt sympathetic to her for being in a place of personal pain. It didn’t matter why, really, or who she’d been to me, but I felt a certain amount of sympathy for her position of having nothing and no one. Just as one human being to another.
I found the whole thing profoundly disturbing. I mean, I really can’t think of anything worse than having her back in Houston, much less calling me on the phone.
After telling a friend about it, he offered that maybe it was just a sign that I’d moved to an emotional place where I could forgive her, in some way, for what happened and how she handled it. I’d like to think so, but I suspect that it’s something even simpler than that. I’m just lonely for that “special someone” in my life and, in some sick, strange way, she represents marriage or married life to me.
Of course, that might also explain why I’m not even actively looking for anyone. I mean, with a marriage like that, who needs cancer?
Eh, who knows. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Maybe they were both just random firing of neurons. Just dreams.