Dearest Search Engine Optimization Experts:
Please stop e-mailing me unsolicited requests to “help” me with my search engine placement. You found me via a search engine, because I’m damn good at SEO, so I don’t really need your help. Nor do I want your “help” cluttering up my blog with scripted, canned, generic posts written, no doubt, by starving college students and/or starving IT workers displaced by the economy. Nothing against them, or your services, I’m sure both are brilliant, but this is kind of what I do. Also? It’s kind of how you found me in the first place. So, you know, logic dictates that if you could find me to fill my inbox with unsolicited advertising, then people who actually matter to me can find me, too.
I understand that I’m not really your regular market, so maybe you were trying something new with me. Well, please, stop. It’s not working. I don’t want to hear from you or know about you or have to delete your pitch for whatever internet snake oil you’re selling today. Really. I don’t need it and I’m not buying.
So, really, thanks for thinking of me, but, please, go away.
I don’t need advice about adding keywords to my titles or headers or what metatags I should include in my code. I don’t really need someone to write articles designed to pump up my Google juice. I can do that myself. All of that. (Also? Metatags haven’t mattered for years now. Honest.)
Anyway, your offer was very nice, and what little bit I read seemed well written enough, but, honestly, no thanks. I’ll just stick to what works, what helped you and your snake-oil-selling brethren to find me in the first place: I’ll just write relevant articles and continue to produce the personalized content that only I can produce.
(P.S. Also? No, I don’t want to make extra money writing for you and your internet snake oil business! Now, stop sending me the damn email!)