Hard Choices
I had to do a hard thing yesterday.
I had to tell someone that I’d grown very close to that I needed space. Someone on whom I had come to depend for emotional support. Someone who got deeper into my heart than I realized until right when I was telling them I needed to talk to them less. It was terrible for me because this person gave me things I’d never gotten in other relationships. In spite of being told horrible lies and half-truths about me and having no way to verify the veracity of these claims other than my word, this person believed me and took my side. The openness and caring and straight-up validation I got from this relationship is more than I ever hoped to get from anyone.
All of which, of course, is why it was hard to create the distance I needed to be sane again. I wanted to take care of this friend. I wanted to keep them safe and protect them from what I percieved as bad decisions. I wanted to live their life for them. So, I had to detach and put a little healthy space there so I could let them be who they are and not get caught up in wanting them to be how I thought they needed to be. Frankly, when I broke that news, it felt like kicking puppies or drowning kittens, which is about the worst thing I can think of doing or feeling.
I cried a lot afterward. And, then I started calling friends. I made lots of calls, even though I had to leave messages everywhere. People eventually started calling me back. But, they’d already learned what I was just figuring out.
They couldn’t help me. I just had to feel the feelings I wanted to avoid.
Man, that sucks.
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Love is that condition where someone else’s happiness is necessary to your own."
--Robert Heinlein
