But Not Today
I didn’t do anything bad today.
But, I wanted to.
I’ve been craving cigarettes all week, but I haven’t gone and bought any or bummed any. Nor do I plan to. Even though I want to chain smoke really badly.
I haven’t had a drink this week.
Oh, I’ve thought about drinking a little 80 proof medicine to “help me sleep”, but I haven’t done it. I almost bought into the illusion that the drink would help me forget my self-directed anger and my continual embarrassment. But, the reality is that, even if it did for a few minutes when I was drunk, it’d all come back when I sobered up. And I’d be embarrassed by having been drunk.
I’ve wanted to pound my fists against something hard in anger and frustration because I just never seem to learn. But, I didn’t do that, either.
Instead, I cleaned three great, big, black garbage bags of junk my ex-wife left behind out of my house. They’re by the curb now, waiting to get hauled away. There’ll be more next week.
And, I made arrangements to join a standing pot-luck dinner at one of my minister’s houses Friday night. I still don’t know what I’ll bring, but I won’t cook. I want them to have a good impression that first night, after all.
And, I made a promise to write something for another blogger’s special project. A project that she’d aimed towards women, until she found out that sometimes men have the same problems women do, even if we don’t talk about them as much.
And, I made an appointment to meet my other minister for coffee on Saturday before church. Though I have no real idea why, he always seems eager to sit and talk with me. I must have more interesting spiritual problems than I realized. Who knew?
So, I did good things today. I can always do those other things, those things that will slowly eat me up.
But, not today.
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Some people are always grumbling because roses have thorns; I am thankful that thorns have roses."
--Alphonse Karr
