Diary of a Network Geek

The trials and tribulations of a Certified Novell Engineer who's been stranded in Houston, Texas.


To Date or Not To Date?

Filed under: Advice from your Uncle Jim,Bavarian Death Cake of Love,Criticism, Marginalia, and Notes,Deep Thoughts,Life, the Universe, and Everything,Personal,Red Herrings — Posted by the Network Geek during the Hour of the Tiger which is terribly early in the morning or 5:30 am for you boring, normal people.
The moon is Waning Crescent

I have a moral dilemma to pose for my readers.

Now, before I get too far, yes, this is directly applicable to my life, but, no, I’m not going into details on that. I’ve generalized the scenario to protect the innocent, and me.

Okay, so, here’s the scenario…
Say you’ve given up on the on-line dating thing because it’s too easy to find reasons to eliminate people based on silly criteria, like height and what book they last read, right? And, naturally, all the people you know are married or at least involved with someone. Well, except for that one person. Now, let’s assume that you know for sure that they like you and would go out with you if you asked. But, there’s a catch. It would make things socially uncomfortable for you and others to actually date, no matter how things worked out. Maybe it’s because that person is a friend’s ex, or just someone that a good friend really, really doesn’t like, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it would be hard for you to date them because of your social circumstances.
Now, do you tell your friends to “get over it” and go ahead and date them? Or, do you let your co-dependence with your friends keep you from pursuing your potential happiness? And, is it fair to that person you want to date to put them in that position? I mean, if they’re your friends, they’d cope, right? And, if the person you want to date really is into you, they’d be willing to take the heat, right? But, is that how it would really go down?

So, what do you think?

Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money."


  1. Well since you are asking for input…It sounds very complicated and I’ve always believed if it’s got to many variables you should really be sure it’s something you want to do because something is probably going to happen…for Me usually badly, lol. I can only share my own experience with a less complicated scenario…I dated a friend in our group we broke up and it changed the dynamic of our group because of the awkwardness. I hope it works out for you 🙂

    Comment by Jenn — 2/5/2008 @ 9:13 am

  2. I agree with the above poster, stuff like that either works great or is a complete nightmare. On the note, good luck!


    Comment by Rach — 2/5/2008 @ 4:13 pm

  3. It sounds like a substantial risk. The only question you really need to answer is if this woman could really be the right one. In order to answer that, you do have to know her. You probably already do. If she is right for you, then go for it. Your friends will still be your friends, and the rest? They don’t keep you warm at night.

    Research indicates that social networks are important, and improve health and self respect. But research also suggests that the happiest people are the ones who have a significant other who is there to be a witness to their existence, a soft place to fall and all that other mush. I don’t know of any research that specifically addresses your situation, so I’m just going with my gut. (why did I have to mention my gut?)

    Think about this too, will these social difficulties impair the respect you would have for her or her you? You can’t spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t respect, and you deserve to be respected yourself!

    It sounds like an adventure! Good luck!

    Comment by Cheri — 2/5/2008 @ 8:52 pm

  4. Okay, ladies, I guess my issue is that, as a divorced man, I’ve seen it go horribly wrong already. Oh, the stories that came out about how so many people didn’t like my ex-wife after she left! I wish I’d known before I married her!

    But, the problem is, well, chemistry. You see I feel the “chemistry” between me and the person in question. And, if you all were around last year at about this time, you’ll remember my slight rant about how chemistry has betrayed me in the past. So, therein lies the rub… Give into what seems like pretty powerful chemistry, but possibly alienate one or more friends, or keep the friends and keep looking.
    Life is never simple. Well, at least my life is never simple.

    Comment by the Network Geek — 2/6/2008 @ 6:16 am

  5. Well, have you ever asked the friend if he cares. He has to know your interested in the girl right ? How can he not notice the chemistry !!!!

    Comment by im822 — 2/8/2008 @ 9:57 am

  6. Well, im822, first of all, I’m sneaky and play my cards close to my chest. Second, there actually is more than one girl. In one case, my friend has encouraged me to give it a try, but the situation is still too uncomfortable. In the other case, my friend constantly says nasty things about her, which may or may not be true as he’s relaying what her most current ex has said about her, and has made it quite clear that he’d rather not see me get involved with her.

    Like I wrote, life is never easy.

    Comment by the Network Geek — 2/8/2008 @ 10:32 am

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