Patron Saint of Hopeless Causes
I do not believe in saints.
I don’t, really. I don’t believe that burning a candle to Saint Jude made any difference whatsoever in my divorce when I thought I was going to lose my house, my dog, and everything that really mattered to me. But, I did it. In fact, I did it a lot. I think I have five or six of these Saint Jude candles around and I used to light them all and recite the prayer on the back of each candle as I lit them.
Prayer to Saint Jude
Most holy apostle, St. Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, patron of hopeless causes of things almost despaired of, pray for me. I am so helpless and alone. Make use, I implore you, of that particular privilege given to you to bring visible and speedy help where help is almost despaired of. I promise to be ever mindful of this great favor, to always honor you as my special and powerful patron. Amen!
Well, even though things turned out well there, I’m sure the Saint Jude candles had nothing to do with it. I’m sure. So, why bring it up? Well, funny you should ask….
As with most of my hopeless causes, it starts with a girl. Well, a woman, but when it’s a boy pining over her, they’re always girls. Do we ever progress beyond Junior High?
So, yeah, a girl. To say that she doesn’t know I’m alive would be too harsh, but I’m quite certain I’m not on her radar, so to speak. I’m forty and she’s, well, younger. I walk about a mile and a half four times a week, and I’ve been told she runs six miles virtually every day. I make her laugh until her sides ache. But, a friend told me that Chris Farley used to complain that no one wanted to have sex with the funny guy. Things do not look good for me at all, do they? But, still, I persist. Why? Because Saint Jude is my patron saint, I guess.
Time to start lighting candles, I guess.
“Most holy apostle, Saint Jude, faithful servant and friend of Jesus, patron of hopeless causes and things almost despaired of, pray for me…”
Advice from your Uncle Jim:
"Shallow men believe in luck.... Strong men believe in cause and effect."
--Emerson
i only have sex with funny guys.
or is that funny-looking guys? i get so confused….
Comment by kat — 10/30/2008 @ 8:21 am
Well, Kat, I think I’d be covered either way, so I’ll make a note of that. See? The candles are working already!
Comment by the Network Geek — 10/30/2008 @ 9:08 am
St. Benedict Joseph Labre is the patron saint of single men…but I’m not sure this helps. But I think St. Dwynwen is better…she wanted that all lovers should find happiness.
Comment by Jenn — 10/30/2008 @ 4:00 pm
I dunno, Jenn, she seems too esoteric to find in the “Santos candles” aisle at my local grocery store. That’s where I got Saint Jude. So far, though, he’s done right by this Protestant boy!
Comment by the Network Geek — 10/30/2008 @ 4:42 pm
Sorry about that NG…I unfortunately spent one too many summers in the convent. I think my mother secretly wanted me to join the order. Yeah…like that would happen but oddly enough I still find joy in watching Lawrence Welk on TV. Weird I know, LOL 🙂
Comment by Jenn — 10/30/2008 @ 8:33 pm